Tell Me You Will Understand
by LoriB
Summary: During House's stay in Mayfield, he realizes that he needs human connection in order to survive. He decides to make a change, will Wilson understand? M/M pairing-slash-RATING CHANGE FOR CHAP 14-NOW RATED M. Chaps 11 and 14 now M and rest is PG-13.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, this is the first fic I have written and I am putting it out there to see what kind of reception I get on it. Please try and be constructive but kind in your reviews. _

_Author notes: This is a House/Wilson slash pairing, which means a male/male romance. If its not your kind of thing, please do not read. Also House's diagnosis in this fic is a real disorder. It is by definition a psychosis that lasts for one month or less. In the fic, House is in Mayfield for two months, the additional time was recommended to deal with House's many other issues. If you have not seen the end of season five then I guess this would be a spoiler for that. Thank you._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

PROLOGUE

People around him should have seen the breakdown coming he thought, but they didn't. Not that he could blame them really, he was a very private man.. okay, he was a pain in the ass. Something about that though made him feel a bit more isolated than he had ever felt before. Did he really have that little of a connection to anyone? Was he really that alone? Not even his best friend noticed anything amiss before he was told about the hallucinations and by then, it was too late to be pulled back from the inevitable fall.

While in the institution, House reflected a great deal on those very thoughts. He came to the realization that he didn't want to be the misanthropic asshole everyone knew him as, that he wanted real connections with people. Well at least one person specifically…his best friend Wilson.

Over the years, Wilson was the constant in his life, the one person that, for the most part, would be there for him. House realized that he wanted..no, he needed a deeper bond with the younger man. While working through his emotional turmoil (rather reluctantly) with his therapist, he learned a great deal about the feelings he actually harbored for Wilson, feelings that he had been denying for longer than he cared to admit. Feelings, he came to the conclusion, go far beyond the friendship that they currently share.

It may have been Cuddy who was the object of his delusion that led to his current stay, but House now knows it is Wilson that he truly longs for. All he had to do was figure out how to approach him with this new found knowledge without losing Wilson altogether. That thought above all, scared the shit out of him.

CHAPTER ONE-TWO MONTHS AFTER ADMISSION

Wilson is sitting in his apartment staring at the TV, not paying much attention to any show in particular. Things have been rather.. well for a lack of a better word..boring since House has been gone. He'd never truly realized how much House actually added to his life, just the entertainment value alone was worth the price of admission. Wilson is truly agonizing over just how much he misses House and how much he truly wants his best friend back.

Over the course of the two plus months that House has been institutionalized, the older man had refused all visitors, Wilson was and is still very confused and hurt by this. He just can't understand why his best friend would be shutting him out at such a desperate time, to alienate himself from the one person that cares for him the most.

Wilson has been able to keep track of House medically speaking due to the fact that he is still House's primary physician. The younger doctor made arrangements to have all the test results and subsequent diagnosis sent to him for, as Wilson told them, House's permanent file. He knew deep down though, it was more for his own benefit..the only way to truly keep some sort of connection to his hurting friend.

The staff at Mayfield ruled out Vicodin use as the most likely cause of House's symptoms relatively quickly, and found that he was actually suffering from "Brief Psychotic Disorder" brought on by a stress response from all of the physical and emotional trauma that he suffered over the past year. When Wilson received the diagnosis, it gave him pause. His brain scanned over everything that had happened since the bus crash... since Amber. From that moment, he had tried desperately to come to terms with things that he considered may have been his fault. Wilson knew that he couldn't have controlled every bad thing that happened to House, but he damn well knows that he certainly didn't help matters any.

All Wilson could think about was how he asked House to risk his life to save Ambers, told him they weren't friends anymore, and then left him for two months. Wilson knew practically speaking that he was grieving and not necessarily acting rationally at the time and yes, in a way he did blame House for awhile for what had happened. The younger man came to terms with that over time and said as much to House after his father's funeral. Wilson knows House though, he knows how much he must have hurt him.

Wilson realized he never apologized for any of it, or at the very least acknowledged that he went about things the wrong way. All he said to House was, "I guess we can't choose our friends", that's just… brilliant, in retrospect, that really was a pretty shitty thing to say. 'Like if I had a choice, I would choose not to be his friend', Wilson thought.

He never told House that he appreciated the sacrifice that he was willing to make for him, never told him how much he cared. Wilson came to the conclusion that he absolutely did _not_ help House's situation any, and he also realized that guilt is a very powerful thing.

He did take some solace in the knowledge that "Brief Psychotic Disorder" is, for the most part, only a temporary condition and that, with time and treatment, House should be able to resume his normal life. He'll be able to practice medicine again without the restrictions or outright denial that a full blown psychotic diagnosis would carry.

As Wilson continued to sit on his couch in deep contemplation, he was startled by the ringing of his cell phone. He certainly was in no mood to be bothered with something trivial, so as he grabbed for his phone he checked the caller ID. He didn't want to ignore the ringing phone altogether, in case it was the hospital regarding one of his patients. He noticed that the ID displayed unknown, this was enough to pique his curiosity. Answering with a stern "Doctor Wilson speaking", he was greeted with a voice that he so longed to hear. The younger man's heart starting beating in a rapid staccato, he was not prepared for this call by any means. It took all of his strength to pull his thoughts into some semblance of order and rasped out..

"House?"

"Yes, how many other friends do you have in the asylum?"

Even though Wilson had been waiting for this moment for two months, he suddenly found himself speechless. He decided to start simple..

"House, I tried to see you but I was told that you weren't accepting any visitors..why would you not want to see anyone?" Wilson was thinking, 'why didn't you want to see me?'

House's reply was soft and nearly inaudible, 'this wasn't the House that he knew', Wilson thought.

"I needed to do this on my own Wilson. I needed….." he couldn't finish that thought, not now. "You know what , it doesn't matter." House thought to himself after that.. 'you'll know soon enough and then maybe you'll understand, or maybe not, only time would tell. '

Wilson was taken aback by his friend's vagueness, House was never one to hold his tongue about anything, so why now, why with him?

"House, is everything okay?"

"I need you to come pick me up tomorrow, they're finally springing from this god awful place"

Stunned, Wilson responded, "of course House, I'll be there." He hesitated before adding,

"are you sure you're ready?"

House thought to himself, 'the question is, Wilson are you ready?' But aloud, he said with as much condescension as he could muster, "Yes, they can't cure me of all my crazys but at least I'm not seeing dead people anymore."

Wilson couldn't help but to smile to himself, that sounded more like the old House that he knew.

"See ya tomorrow House."

"Yeah, see ya Wilson"

Wilson hung up the phone and just sat there trying to process the conversation he just had with House. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt that something didn't seem right, that House was off just a bit. Wilson chalked it up at the moment to spending two months in a psych ward. All he cared about right now, was that in less than twenty four hours he was going to see House again. He couldn't help but to think about all the things he wanted to say to the older man. The missed apologies, the 'thank you's never presented, the 'I care about you's that were never said. Wilson knew he wouldn't sleep tonight, so he just resigned himself to his thoughts and bit of mindless TV.

***

As House hung up the phone, he felt like he was going to hyperventilate. This was _not_ how he was supposed to feel, for god's sake he's known Wilson for nearly twenty years. This was, however, the first time he had heard his voice since he came to admit to himself that he wanted more than just a friendship with the younger man.

House was beginning to wonder if maybe any of this was such a great idea. What if Wilson rejected him? What if he lost his friendship altogether? Is that a chance he was willing to take? House was mentally slapping himself for being such a pussy, he thought to himself, 'boy the time spent in the loony bin sure has taken a toll on my, _I don't give a shit about anything attitude_!' Was this worth it? Was Wilson worth making this change for? House stared at the wall and thought, 'can I go through with this?'. The answer had been two months, or maybe it was twenty years in the making, either way House knew the answer even if he didn't want to admit it…. Yes, Wilson was worth it.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Here is chapter two. Thank you to all who commented and added this story to their alerts, it means a lot. We get a bit more in depth regarding Wilson's guilt and his confusion over feelings that are surfacing. House, talks with his therapist about Wilson one last time. I feel this chapter was a bit easier to write than the 1__st__ and I think it turned out a little better. I hope you enjoy, I love comments, but please be nice. ____ Thank you!_

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 2

As Wilson expected, he didn't sleep much the night before, his mind hopelessly entangled with thoughts of House and the day that lay ahead. This will be the first time Wilson is seeing him since House learned of his diagnosis. The definitive reason for the hallucinations of Amber and Kutner that plagued his very existence, as well as the delusion regarding his imagined evening with Cuddy.

Wilson couldn't help but think about how distant and vague House had seemed on the phone the previous evening and wondered if House blamed him in part, for his breakdown. 'What if he does blame me, what if he can't forgive me?' Wilson wasn't sure if he was thinking rationally at this point. His mind continued further down his path of self blame…'Is this why House didn't come to me when he started seeing the psychiatrist before Kutner died?' ' _Oh God_…did my mocking stop him from getting the help he needed before he spiraled out of control? ' 'Would he have continued to see the psychiatrist if I didn't mention that I knew about it?' 'Why didn't I notice there was something wrong before he told me…_before_ it was too late?'

Wilson couldn't help but continue to blame himself, it was in his nature after all to protect House, at least that's what he told himself. He truly feels that he has failed his friend on every level. ' I _have_ to stop thinking about this, I need to get myself under control so I can make the drive safely to Mayfield', Wilson reasoned with himself. All Wilson could think about at this point was getting to his friend and trying to make amends before House gave him the same treatment that Wilson put forth to him a year ago. The day he vowed to push House out of his life for good.

Wilson was able to put his thoughts aside temporarily, busying himself with preparing for House's discharge from the place he called home for the past two months.

The first thing Wilson knew he needed to do was contact Cuddy regarding House's pending return to PPTH. Wilson needed to know what to obtain from Mayfield in order to make that transition as smooth as possible, 'it's the least I could do', he thought.

While Dialing Cuddy's number, Wilson's began to panic. He wasn't sure now, what to say to her about House coming back. They never really discussed the delusion that led to him being committed and what it meant to her, but now was not the time for it, he _needed_ to get it together.

Cuddy's authoritative voice broke Wilson from his thoughts…

"Doctor Cuddy speaking.."

"Lisa….hey its Wilson"

" James , What can I do for you?" Cuddy did not miss the eerie silence she was greeted with...

"Wilson?"

"Yeah, I'm here…listen, I spoke with House last night and…" Wilson could hear the sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line.

"Lisa, are you alright?"

"Yes, you… you just took me by surprise that's all" in a much softer voice, Cuddy continued.."What did he say…how is he Wilson?"

He didn't know why, but the concern he heard in her voice seemed to irritate him to no end. Maybe it was adrenaline produced from his earlier thoughts, but he just couldn't stop thinking about her possible part in House's slide into madness. House went to her that night he saw Amber in the bar and told her he quit, he was reaching out to her. The only other time House had ever quit, was when Cuddy threatened about the methadone treatment. She should have seen the despair in him , she _should_ have seen the quitting as a big red flag…but she didn't.

Wilson rationally knows that he shouldn't be so hard on Cuddy, House did insult her child, and he didn't offer any explanation for quitting. After all, Wilson missed the signs too. So why was he so agitated with her? He shouldn't be, he thought. She was, and most likely still is, the object of his best friend's affection. He should be happy that she is showing concern for House, maybe that means she still had feelings for the older doctor, that she still wanted to be with House. _That_ just irritated Wilson even more, he suddenly felt possessive of his friend, dare he say, a bit jealous of Cuddy. 'Why the hell am I feeling like this, where is this coming from?', Wilson thought to himself, trying to shake himself of the ridiculous notion…before he could analyze any further…

"Wilson?....Wilson are you there?"

"Yeah..sorry, I guess I'm just a little preoccupied this morning.." Wilson spoke with a coolness, sounding a bit detached.. "Look, the reason I'm calling is to let you know that House is coming home today. I want to make his transition back to work as smooth as possible for him. I just need you to tell me what the hospital and the board will require from Mayfield to accomplish this."

Cuddy did not miss the change in tone.. "Is everything okay, Wilson? Is House okay? I need to know if there is something still…"

Wilson cut her off abruptly, he couldn't have this conversation anymore. "He's fine… at least, I _think_ he is..I'll ask him to call you when we get home tonight, though I can't guarantee he will, you know how House is."

Sounding defeated, Cuddy spoke. "yeah…I know, I'll give Mayfield a call after I hang up with you and let them know what to provide to you for House's return…." Hesitantly she added.. "Wilson?"

"yeah"

"Please tell House…please just tell him I'm glad he's home."

Wilson answered, sounding resigned and feeling a bit guilty for is earlier ill thoughts.."I will Lisa, and…thanks"

"You're welcome James, I'll talk to you later."

After hanging up with Cuddy, Wilson took a moment to try and screw his head on straight. His thoughts had been all over the place this morning and he needed to calm down. Wilson thought to himself, 'maybe I'm just over reacting, maybe House doesn't blame me. Maybe that's _not_ why he sounded the way he did last night on the phone. ' 'And what the hell was _that_ all about with Cuddy?'…. 'You're losing it Jimmy boy, next it'll be your turn to take a vacation to the loony bin.' The last thought sounded like House's voice in Wilson's head, and at that he couldn't help but let a small chuckle escape his lips.

Wilson called Mayfield and informed them that he would be arriving to pick House up around 2pm. He felt that if he left after an early lunch, that would give him plenty of time to get there. He also wanted to make sure House had enough time to accomplish any tasks that Wilson felt House wouldn't want him present for. 11:30am rolled around, with a deep breath and one last thought of the panic rising in him regarding seeing his friend for the first time in two months, Wilson was off to Mayfield.

*****

House was in his room looking out the window overlooking the courtyard. It was late summer, the foliage would soon be starting to show the beauty of impending Autumn. House contemplated just how much time he had spent here. When he arrived, it was a dreary mid spring day, hardly any buds had blossomed on the trees due to a long hard winter. And now, on the day that he is to make his exit from this place, the leaves are about to begin the process of ending their natural life cycle. House doesn't buy into any of the bull shit of fate or karma, but the irony was not lost on him.

House has spent the morning packing his things, getting a physical, having blood tests done , and, House thought, any other crap that could possibly make him uncomfortable. This, to him, was just to reaffirm the hell that he went through while here trying to come to terms with his own screwed up mind.

The clock told him that Wilson should be there in an hour. House was trying desperately not to think about that, but leave it to his overzealous therapist, Doctor Maryann Payne. Or, as House preferred to call her, Doctor Pain in the Ass, to make him talk about it one last time for good measure. She made damn sure that House's last appointment with her was right before Wilson was to arrive. 'Thank you _very_ much, Doctor Pain in the Ass!'

The session started just like all the others, House sat there with a scowl on his face while Doctor Payne looked hopeful…'When will she learn', House thought. Doctor Payne of course, was the first to break the silence…

"How are you feeling today Greg?"

"Just fantastic" said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.. "This is the day that I get to bid you adieu. I have to say though, I will miss your lovely breasts, they always managed to _perk_ me up every day."

"How will I ever get through my day without your witty compliments" , Doctor Payne deadpanned.

"I know Doctor Wilson will be here soon, and when he gets here, I would like to go over a few things with him before you leave and…"

"What sort of things", House interrupted with a tinge of worry in his voice.

"Not what you think…Doctor Cuddy called regarding your status at PPTH and she wanted me to give information to Doctor Wilson that will help with your reintegration." Doctor Payne was silent for a moment before following with…

"What do you plan to do about Doctor Wilson Greg?

"I don't know what you're talking about" feigning ignorance.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, we've spent a great deal of time on this very subject over the last two months, don't start shutting yourself down already, or I'll see you back here by Christmas."

"Ahhh, that's _so_ sweet of you, I didn't know I meant that much to you that you would want to spend the holiday's with me. I'll have to check my schedule of course, with me being mister popular and all…."

"Greg, _stop_ deflecting"

"_Stop_ being a pain in the ass!…I don't know what I'm going to do, I thought I did until I heard his voice last night. I'm afraid to lose him altogether if I go and open my stupid. fucking. mouth.. happy now?"

"Greg, you _know_ how you feel about him, you know that just hiding behind those feelings and suppressing them won't do you any good, please don't deny yourself happiness anymore. You need to start living!."

"What if he tells me to screw off, what if I lose what I do have with him…what if he just doesn't understand? _Hell_, I don't even know if _I_ understand!" House was feeling way to vulnerable at the moment but he continued with his thought.."He's been the only person in my life to stick with me through almost everything.."

"Not after Amber died" Doctor Payne reminded him

Agitated, House responded.. "_but he came back_!"

"Yes, he did…maybe that should show you that he does care about you, maybe even in the same manner that you care about him." She paused for effect, "you don't know what he is going to say, maybe he will say he feels the same way, maybe he'll be mad, maybe he'll run away again, but I don't think, based on what you have told me, that he can stay away for good. I think no matter what he feels, even if it _is_ not the same as your feelings, I don't think you'll lose your friend. Greg, you need to do this for you, you have just as much right as anyone else to be happy."

With an eye roll and a mouth full of sarcasm, House responded, "_God_, you are _so_ sappy, does anyone buy the bullshit that your selling?" Secretly, he was hoping…_wait, wait, wait_, hope is for sissies…he was _thinking_ that she might be right.

Doctor Payne and House spent the remainder of their session talking about going back to work, dealing with his team, and with other hospital staff. They spent time discussing how to face Cuddy knowing that she is aware of his delusion regarding her. Doctor Payne covered the medication he should be taking to help ward off a possible relapse and also setting him up with a therapist at PPTH. She is requiring that he see this therapist for at least the next six months in order to maintain his eligibility as a doctor.

House left Doctor Payne's office feeling a bit drained. He knew she was right, of course, though he would never admit that to her. Even though she would never know this, he is actually going to miss talking with her, House conceded that she was one hell of a sparring partner.

House had completed all the necessary requirements for discharge and all of his things were packed. All he had left to do at this point was wait for Wilson to show up. God, House thought, 'I'm scared _shitless_!'

TBC

_A/N: Next chapter-our boys FINALLY see each other after two long months. Also, It was not my intention to make Cuddy look bad, I was trying to show Wilson's confusion regarding his new feelings surfacing for House. I like Cuddy, I really do, but House belongs to Wilson ____ Thank you!_


	3. Chapter 3

_a/n: Here's chapter 3, thanks to everyone that commented and for all those who put this story on alert. There was actually quite a few, so thanks so much. I would really love to hear your thoughts on what you think. This chapter shows House's discharge and the boys finally seeing each other. Please enjoy. Thanks for reading._

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 3

The drive to Mayfield took, what Wilson thought, an eternity. In all actuality, it was just a bit over two hours. To pass the time, he contemplated over his thoughts from the morning, more specifically, his frustration with Cuddy.

Why did he feel such anger toward her? It's not like she said or did anything that should have upset him. Wilson knows that she cares about House almost as much as he does. For God's sake, House and her have been flirting with a romantic relationship for months now, it could still be possible for them once House is back. Wilson should be happy for them, not getting upset with Cuddy over things she had very little control over.

Wilson decided to chalk up this little mystery as nerves and stress related to seeing House today. 'Maybe I'm just trying to deflect the guilt I feel onto Cuddy.' 'She's good for him, she'll keep him line, I'm happy for him…and her..._really_.' Wilson made a valiant effort trying to convince himself of that. Of course he was unsuccessful, though he had no idea why.

Wilson pulled through the old rustic iron gates and proceeded down the long driveway that he remembered from that fateful day two months ago. The day he dropped his friend off to an uncertain future. It seems to be taking longer this time to reach the end, longer to get to House. He didn't want the drive to end the last time, because he knew he was going to have to say goodbye. Well now, he can't seem to get there fast enough.

He parked his car, and began to slightly panic again. He really had no idea why he was so nervous to see House. It's not like he'll suddenly be a different person just because he's been in a psychiatric hospital, _or at least that's what Wilson wanted to believe. _Besides, they've gone two months before without seeing each other. Of course, Wilson doesn't want to think about _that_, knowing it was all his doing the last time.

He pushed his emotions aside and put on his best wonder boy oncologist face, the one that showed nothing but strength and compassion…_the one that House would probably see right through_. God he wished House wasn't so damn observant.

Wilson exited his car and headed toward the dreary looking building. He thought, 'if patients weren't depressed going in, they sure as hell would be coming out', it was so damn gloomy looking. He realized upon entering, the inside wasn't much better.

*****

House decided to wait for Wilson in the community room. He thought with other people around, he wouldn't be so nervous about seeing him for the first time since his "Wilson epiphany". House said to himself, 'God, I'm so pathetic, I've turned into to such a wuss since I checked into the nut house.'

The older man stared out the window reflecting on the last two months of his life. He remembers the first time he spent any time in this room. He'd watch with quiet curiosity the other patients surrounding him. He would pass the time trying to diagnose them without ever speaking a word.

That entertained him for awhile, but as time progressed, his analytical mind was taken over by his longing to live a normal life. A life away from all of the misery that he was surrounded with, the misery that surrounded his very existence before he committed himself. Once that part of him emerged, he knew he had to get the hell out of here. Fast forward two months and here he stands, waiting. Waiting for what?....Love, companionship, a meaningful existence….or quite possibly, rejection? Of which, he wasn't sure.

*****

Wilson was greeted in the waiting room by Doctor Payne, she made it a point to catch him before House knew he was there. As she approached, Wilson noticed that she was walking with a purpose in his direction. That, for some reason, made Wilson squirm a bit in his chair.

"Doctor Wilson?" she inquired

"Yes"

"I thought so, you look just as I would have pictured based on my conversations with Greg"

The statement seemed odd to Wilson, why would he talk about the way he looks to anyone? Let alone someone he barely knew. He ignored that feeling for a moment and responded a bit puzzled.

"You seem to have one up on me, you know who I am, but I have no idea who you might be."

"Oh, you're right, I'm so sorry. My name is Doctor Maryann Payne, I'm Greg's therapist. I wanted to have a few words with you in private _before_ you see Greg."

That gave Wilson pause…"Is everything alright, is House alright? I thought ….

Doctor Payne quickly interrupted sensing Wilson's worry. "Everything is fine, there are just some things I wanted to cover with you, regarding Doctor Cuddy's request and…." she hesitated for a moment…. "I wanted to talk to you a bit about his current state of mind. I realize you are the closest person to him and also his primary physician, therefore you serve a unique position in his life." "Not to mention, he gave me permission to share with you anything that I deem pertinent to his post discharge care."

Wilson wasn't sure what to think of this woman, she seemed confident enough but for some reason, he was worried about what she had to say. He tried to sum up as much confidence as he could…after all, he is House's doctor, he should play the part. However, the hand on the back of his neck, was sure to give away his discomfort.

"Can we get on with discussing this? As you can imagine, I _am_ quite anxious to see my friend, it's been a very…long time."

Doctor Payne couldn't help but smile to herself, his feelings were so transparent to her even if he had no clue about them himself. "Of course, I promise this will only take a few minutes, my office is just through those doors."

Wilson entered Doctor Payne's office on her heels and took in his surroundings. He noticed that her office had a much warmer appeal than the rest of the building he had seen thus far. For some reason, that made him feel relieved. He thought, 'at least House had one comfortable room to be in even if he did loathe psychiatrists.'

Doctor Payne didn't waste any time. She explained to Wilson the medication that House should take to ward off a future relapse, as well as the new combination of pain meds that House would be on instead of Vicodin. Wilson couldn't help but smile to himself at that. At least, he thought, House wouldn't die from the Vicodin. She continued regarding his requirement for therapy.

"Doctor Wilson, Greg will be required to meet with a therapist for at least six months following his release in order to maintain his eligibility to practice medicine." She continued," I've set him up with Doctor Hudson at PPTH, I just wanted you to be aware to help insure his compliance."

Doctor Payne noticed Wilsons slight flinch at that last statement so she felt the need to address it.

"Doctor Wilson, I realize Greg is an adult and it's probably asking a great deal of you to oversee his care, but I feel he truly needs friends now more than ever." She paused for effect before continuing. "Though Greg has never said as much, I've come to the conclusion that before he was admitted here to Mayfield, that he did feel completely alone." She was trying to stress her point without being to callous…"I'm not saying you were a bad friend, but it seems like everyone in his life missed some major clues with him, and I would like not to see it happen again."

Wilson wasn't sure how to react, he had the same thoughts since House was admitted, more so since he heard from House last night.

"God, I really don't even know what to say. You're right…ever since Amber died our friendship hasn't been the same. I wanted to think we were okay after his father's funeral but I know we weren't." Wilson tried to continue, but at this point he was just feeling so helpless.

Sensing his pain, she added, "Doctor Wilson, it wasn't my intention to blame you for anything. I know from my sessions with Greg that he doesn't blame you either. I just wanted to mention my take on the situation to make sure he had all the support that he could possibly get." With a wry smile, she added. "I know he's a pain in the ass, and will never so much as think to ask for help, but everyone, including the great Gregory House needs a helping hand at some point. Just be there for him, that's all I ask."

Feeling humble, Wilson responded, "I have no intention any more of _not_ being there for him. He's my best friend and it's time I start treating him like that again."

"That's all I can ask. Look, I know I set him up with Doctor Hudson but I did give Greg my number in case he just needs to vent. I can't imagine he would ever voluntarily use it but….just know that I am here for him….for both of you."

"Thanks, I really appreciate everything that you've done."

With a smile, she replied. "That's my job." As she began to stand, she stated.. "you ready to see him?"

Wilson took a deep breath, rose to his feet, and nodded slowly, with that she led him to were House awaited.

*****

Doctor Payne led Wilson to the door of the community room and told him that she would wait in her office to say her goodbyes to House after they've had a moment alone. Wilson thanked her as she left and stood silently looking at the handle to the door for a moment.

Finally, he gathered up the courage to open it. He took a step inside the large generic looking room. What he was greeted with were a vast number of patients with a variety of mental illnesses. Wilson couldn't imagine spending a day in here, let alone two months. All that feeling did was make Wilson want to seek House out even faster.

After scanning the room a couple of times, he finally locked onto a lone figure staring out the window with his back to Wilson. He knew without a doubt that the man before him was indeed House. The older man had not noticed him yet, so he took this moment to approach him quietly, taking in the sight before him.

Wilson noticed that House seemed a bit thinner and his hair was quite a bit shorter than the last time he saw him. He thought it looked good. 'Wait, what did I just say, did I say his hair looked good?' Wilson thought. 'Oh boy Jimmy, get it together.'

He came within a few feet of House and stood there for a moment. Finally he summoned up enough courage to speak.

"House?"

House heard the familiar voice behind him and closed his eyes for a moment. He had been thinking of this moment for a very long time and he wondered if Wilson would look different to him. After taking a deep cleansing breath, House started to turn slowly toward the younger man.

"Wilson…", there was so much House wanted to say, but he couldn't do it now, he needed to wait until the moment was right. House decided it was _definitely_ not right surrounded by a bunch of crazy people. So of course he went to his trustworthy default position…sarcasm.

"_God, _I thought you would never get here, did Cuddy have you preoccupied with the twins too much to remember your crazy old friend in the loony bin?"

Wilson couldn't help but to smile at the normality of the moment.

"It's good to see you to House"

They shared a brief warm smile and few awkward jabs before heading back to Doctor Payne's office. She had made arrangements for House's things to be brought there so they could leave immediately after seeing her.

"Ah, if it isn't Doctor Pain in the Ass, I thought I was done with you? You just couldn't stay away could you?"

"Greg, I would have to say, that you are probably the most frustrating, annoying, and pig headed patient I ever had…"

House cut her off… "Stop, your making me blush"

She continued as if he didn't interrupt…"_but_, I think I will miss you the most."

"Yeah yeah yeah, enough with the sappy bullshit, can I get out of here now, Wilson has two months worth of meals he needs to buy me."

"Yes, you're free to go, just remember, both of you, you have my number if you need me."

With that, House grabbed his own cane, not the hospital issue piece of crap, while Wilson grabbed his bag and they headed out the door. Doctor Payne watched them as they left and smiled to herself. She thought, 'he's going to make, I think they both will make it.'

*****

Outside, Wilson couldn't help but notice the relief that showed in House's eyes, it was like a weight had been lifted. He couldn't place it but somehow, House seemed happier… more relaxed than any other time he could recall in recent memory. There was just something different about House, something that gave him a warm feeling into the pit of his soul. Something that made Wilson happy in return.

House noticed the smile that crept onto the younger man's face…"what are you all smiles about? I'm the one who just got sprung from the nut house not you."

"Just glad to see ya that's all"

"Well stop, you're creeping me out…hey, what's for dinner, I haven't had a decent meal in two months, and I'm sure your credit cards miss me."

"I'm sure they do House, I'm sure they do."

House thought it felt good to have the usual bantering with Wilson, it was the first familiar thing to him in a long time. But, it also made House worry about what he was intending to do. If Wilson wasn't receptive to his new feelings, then he could lose this forever. He couldn't think about that now, all he cared about at this very moment is that Wilson was walking by his side and he was leaving behind the hell he just endured.

"Let's go Home"

"Sure thing House"

**************************************************

_a/n-I hope you enjoyed that chapter, the next one will be a bit more angsty, I think. The boys will be spending some time together and they can't seem to get on the same page. I would love for you to tell me what you think. Thanks for reading._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: In this chapter the boys can't seem to get the communication going in the right direction, and we get a guest appearance at the end by Doctor Payne. Thanks again to all who commented and added this story to their alerts. Please enjoy and I would love to hear from you, comments are truly appreciated. Thank you!_

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 4

The ride to Princeton was, for the most part, uneventful. Wilson talked about hospital gossip while House pretended to listen. He also told House how his team was doing in his absence… _that_ seemed to get the older man's attention.

Whether House wanted to admit it or not, he was concerned that his skills would _not_ be missed by the hospital while he was institutionalized, that they would be able to function without him. He was relieved to hear that the team had been struggling a bit in his absence. It's not like he didn't want his ducklings to succeed, (again something he would never admit out load), it's just good to be needed, he thought.

Silence, however followed the small talk with both men lost in their own thoughts of the person sitting next to the him. Thoughts that had the potential to change the other's life.

House was contemplating how he was going to relay his desires to Wilson and when he would go about doing it. He was never very good with change; matter of fact, he downright despised it. He resigned himself to the fact that none of this was going to be easy, and the sooner he did it, the better.

Wilson, on the other hand was just trying to figure out why he felt so uneasy with House. It was never like this before the…well _before_, so why now? He tried desperately to resolve the feelings of guilt and the earlier fit of contempt that he felt toward Cuddy. He just couldn't understand where the hell it was coming from. All Wilson knew at this point was that he was not going to fail House again. If that means that Cuddy is the best thing for him then he'll do whatever he can to help make it happen.

Wilson wasn't sure why, but the thought of pushing House toward this possible relationship with Cuddy actually bothered him. He questioned himself for what seemed like the hundredth time today, 'Why now? The idea never bothered me before.'

House dozed off about an hour into the ride and Wilson couldn't help but smile at the sight before him. He seemed to be in awe over the softness that the older man's features took on while he slept, it was almost…childlike. 'Okay', Wilson thought, 'now I'm starting to creep _myself_ out.' With one last glance at his sleeping friend, Wilson turned his attention back to the road ahead of him and drove the rest of the way home in comfortable silence.

*****

As Wilson approached the Princeton city limits, he decided to make a stop at his apartment to pick up a change of clothes just in case House wanted him to stay over at his place tonight. He proceeded to raid the refrigerator and cabinets for milk, juice, and any other necessities he knew House wouldn't have due to his long absence. Wilson thought it best just to grab it from his apartment instead of making another stop at the store. If he would have known before last night that House was coming home today, he would have stocked his apartment with groceries. The older man, of course, slept through the whole unplanned detour.

Wilson arrived at House's apartment a short time later and found his usual parking space near the door that he'd been using in his friend's absence. While House was gone, he made it a point to stop and get the mail and clean up at least once a week so House would come home to a clean place. It also gave Wilson an excuse to be around things that reminded him of the man that he was missing terribly.

The younger man gently touched House's shoulder to wake him, he hated to do it, he seemed to be sleeping so peacefully. Something House probably didn't do very well during his stay in Mayfield, or before, for that matter, Wilson thought.

House awakened to the sight of his apartment in front of him and Wilson couldn't help but notice the flash of relief that crossed the older man's face. With that, he decided to keep the conversation light until he could get House settled inside.

"Your home!" Wilson announced in his most cheery voice

House rolled his eyes, "Duh, I can see that…boy aren't you captain obvious"

Wilson knew House wasn't trying to be mean, he could see the happiness in his eyes but of course House would never admit to it.

"Well, I see your charming personality wasn't affected by your time away"

"You wouldn't have me any other way" House said as he limped toward his front door.

"You got me there House" Wilson just shook his head in amusement, 'some things never change', he thought.

House followed Wilson into the foyer where the younger man used his key to open the door. Wilson stepped inside and proceeded to the kitchen to put the groceries away that he had brought with him. As he turned around he could see House just standing in the door way. It looked as if he was scanning the room.

Wilson couldn't help but think back to the last time House was in this apartment, Amber was with him; well at least the hallucination of her. He wondered if this is what House was thinking about just standing there.

"House?...is everything okay?"

Wilson was greeted with silence, as he looked at House's face, it seemed blank to him. He wondered for a moment if he _was_ seeing Amber again.

Finally House broke the silence. "Yeah, just feels… strange to be here after so long" The uneasiness in Wilson's face did not escape him…

"Seriously, everything's fine. I promise, you'll be the first to know if I start to go crazy again"

"House!"

"Ah come on Wilson chill out, you'll give yourself a heart attack"

*****

They spent the next hour or so getting House unpacked and settled. Wilson ordered Chinese for dinner and of course paid for it when it arrived while House sat on the couch bitching about one thing or another. The two men easily fell into their old routine of sitting on the couch comfortably next to one another while eating and watching some mindless TV.

When they were done eating, Wilson cleared the remainder of their dinner along with the garbage and then came back to sit next to House. Wilson was ready to have a more serious conversation now that they both had time to relax. House did not fail to notice the change in the younger man's posture so he knew immediately what was coming. House, on the other hand wasn't sure if he was ready for this now, so his plan was to let Wilson lead the conversation.

Wilson decided to just jump right in... "I spoke with Cuddy today, she would like for you to call her tonight. " he hesitated before adding, "She told me to tell you that she's…glad your home"

House was absolutely not ready for _that_ conversation. "I don't want to talk to her…not yet"

"House, this is something you're going to have to deal with sooner rather than later." Wilson realized they never talked about the delusion that House suffered just before going to Mayfield.

"Just drop it Wilson" House's voice held a bit of warning in it, that however did not deter Wilson at all.

"Do you not want to talk to her because of the delusion? I'm sure she understands it was just…"

"Wilson, seriously, Let. It. Go!" anger was now starting to rise in House.

"Please House, just talk to me about it"

House finally snapped. "I don't need to talk about it…I've talked about it for two fucking months. I really don't need you to psychoanalyze me regarding Cuddy, it's already been done to death by professionals, trust me!"

Wilson was taken aback "I'm just trying to help House, I know the way you feel about her and maybe there's still a chance you…"

"You have no idea what I feel or don't feel for her…or what I feel for anyone else for that matter!" House couldn't help the agitation building in his voice. "I don't want to talk about it, just let it go Wilson!"

"House, please don't start shutting down again"

It took all of House's strength to not lash out at Wilson. Obviously this conversation was going to go nowhere productive tonight.

"Wilson listen, I'm tired and I really just want to go to bed, please…. just go home"

Wilson was a little hurt by his friend's dismissal but House very rarely used the word please in a genuine manner so he must truly be tired. "I picked up a change of clothes, I thought maybe you'd want me to stay….for some company" Wilson sounded hopeful.

House did want Wilson to stay, but not to talk about Cuddy. Based, however on how the conversation had gone so far, he did not see it ending well. "I'll be fine really, I just want to go to bed. I'll talk to you tomorrow"

Wilson knew the conversation was over so he conceded.. "alright House, I'll let it go for now, get some sleep and I'll see you later.." Wilson hesitated at the door for a moment and stated in a much softer tone... "I'm really glad your home House, I really did miss you"

House couldn't help but to feel good about that, it made him respond in a very un characteristic way... "I missed you too Jimmy"

As Wilson left, he thought about how that conversation went south so quickly, it was not what he had expected. Why was House so adamant regarding not talking about Cuddy? He never hid his intentions for her before, so why now? Wilson wondered what could have changed over the past two months that his friend was gone. He just knew that this was something he wasn't going to let go. His goal was to make House happy (well as happy as House could be), and he was determined to find away to do that.

*****

After Wilson left, House of course couldn't sleep. 'This was a disaster', he thought, 'why wouldn't Wilson just let it go, can't he see that I don't want Cuddy anymore? All I wanted to do tonight was tell him what I felt but all _he _wanted me to do was talk about Cuddy. Damn do-gooder'

Before Mayfield, House was never one to talk about his problems with anyone, but when he was forced to do it with Doctor Payne he actually found over time that it did seem to help. He thought to himself..'_God_, don't ever let Wilson know that, I would never hear the end of it.' He decided to take the good ole' doctor up on her offer to call if he needed to talk, and right now he _really_ needed to talk.

"_Doctor Payne speaking_"

"I missed your psycho babble bullshit"

"_Greg_?"

"the one and only…I was bored and had this burning desire to hear your annoying voice. I get off on pain you know…pun intended"

Amused by his attempt at sarcasm, she responded…"_you do realize you've only been gone seven hours right?"_ she hesitated for a moment and thought maybe something was wrong… _"Did something happen Greg, did you talk to Doctor Wilson?"_

House was going to continue with his patented asshole demeanor but he just seemed too damn tired to bother. So instead he decided to not act like himself and be civil.

"I tried, it was like he wanted to pretend to help me but just didn't want to listen" with a small mirthless laugh he continued, "I don't know why I expected anything different, he's always been like that."

_"What did you say to him"_

"It's more of what he said to me"

A little confused, Doctor Payne asked _"What do you mean?"_

House couldn't help but to feel a bit agitated. "He kept bringing up Cuddy….like he was trying to play matchmaker or something….he just wouldn't let it go."

_"Did you ask him to?"_

"Yes, he implied that I was deflecting or just pushing off my feelings for her. Maybe at one time I thought I wanted to be with her, but I know that's not the case anymore."

_"Did you try to tell him that your feelings toward her have changed?"_

Fully agitated now, House erupted… "Yes, _God_, can't you ever say something useful instead of just asking me stupid fucking questions all the time?"

With a sigh, Doctor Payne spoke in a compassionate tone_…"Greg look, Doctor Wilson isn't going to be able to guess what you're feeling for him. This is something that I'm sure he would have never expected from you…"_

House interrupted, "you can say that again"

Doctor Payne continued, _"I suspect that by him pushing you toward a relationship with Doctor Cuddy, it's his way of thinking he's helping you move on."_

Resigned, House stated…"It also means he has no desire to turn _our_ friendship up a notch"

_"You don't know that, he may just truly believe that you want Doctor Cuddy."_ Her voice took on a softer tone _"Don't give up on him just yet….Greg, let him know how you feel, you may be surprised by what you find."_

"Yeah" House said sounding defeated… "well _that's_ easier said than done."

_"Nobody said it would be easy Greg, but just remember, some things are worth the hard road travelled."_

House thought to himself, 'Damn her for always saying shit that makes sense.'

TBC

_*****_

_a/n: I'm really trying not to go too OCC, but I feel House may have gone through SMALL changes while in Mayfield, same with Wilson toward House because of what happened. Let me know if it's too much. Next chapter we will see House confront Wilson with his feelings, how will Wilson react? Thanks so much for reading, I truly hope you liked it and comments are really appreciated, I love to know what you think!_


	5. Chapter 5

_a/n: Well here is chapter 5, I will have to say I struggled with it a bit because I wanted it to be just right, I hope I don't disappoint. We see an important conversation with House and Cuddy and of course a VERY important H/W moment. Thanks to all who commented and added this to their alerts and also to those who commented without signing in, I was unable to return a personal message to you, so thank you for reviewing._

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 5

After House hung up the phone with Doctor Payne he just sat on the couch thinking over the events of the day. There had been so many emotions that went through his mind, emotions that he didn't think he was capable of feeling anymore.

House conceded that Doctor Payne was right, he needed to do this, he _needed_ to let Wilson know how he felt. The older man realized the moment that he turned around and looked into Wilson's soft brown eyes for the first time today that things would never be the same between them. He wasn't sure if he could be _just_ his friend anymore, not with all of the things he now knows of his own feelings toward his best friend.

It was in that moment, in the dreary room at Mayfield surrounded by misery that House saw his future. Finally, for the first time since Stacy, he thought it possible to find happiness with another human being…._maybe_, with the man standing before him. 'Maybe I don't _need_ to be alone and miserable anymore.'

House decided he was getting to damn sappy for his own good, he had a reputation to uphold after all. 'I'll probably start breaking out with hives if I keep thinking about this relationship crap for much longer.'

On that note, he headed to his bedroom resigned to the fate that he was probably going to make a complete ass of himself tomorrow. 'Oh well, what else is new,' he thought to himself as he climbed into his _own_ bed for the first time in two months. _Damn_ if it didn't feel good, 'but it _would_ feel so much better if a certain pain in the ass, self righteous, _hot, _brown haired oncologist was laying next to me.' That was the thought that occupied House's mind as he drifted off to sleep.

*****

The sun poured through the windows of House's bedroom, it was the start of his first full day of freedom. House's body was accustomed to the schedule that he was made to keep while institutionalized, so he was up fairly early. Not to mention he was unable to get a restful night's sleep with his mind consumed over the thoughts of the day ahead.

House lumbered around his apartment for better part of the morning trying to figure out what his plan was going to be. He felt the best thing to do was just go to PPTH, he needed to talk to Cuddy anyway. This, he was _not_ looking forward to doing, but knew he couldn't return to work until he did. Rather reluctantly he decided he needed to also put to rest any lingering thoughts that she may have of them possibly becoming involved. He wasn't sure if she still felt anything toward him but he didn't want there to be any miscommunication on the subject in the future.

The only thing left to do now was call Wilson and let him know that he was coming in.

*****

Wilson had a very light appointment day so he decided to hunker down in his office to catch up on patient files that he'd been neglecting. He had to chuckle to himself, he _thought_ while House was away he would have less distractions and be able to work more efficiently. In fact though, the opposite was true, he had missed the older man so much, that he actually had a hard time keeping his mind focused on his work. How ironic, he thought.

He was startled out of his thoughts by the sound of his cell phone ringing. He checked the screen and smiled at the identity of the caller.

"Hey House"

_"What's Cuddy wearing today…I'm coming to the hospital to chat with her about my welcome back party and I wanted to make sure I had a good view of the twins."_

Wilson was a little surprised by House's question, not his attempt at the bad joke he was trying to make, but at the fact that he was actually going to see her.

"You're really coming in to see her?"

_"Do you have an auditory processing issue, because I think I just said I was."_

Even though Wilson didn't _feel _happy, he made sure he sounded the part.

"That's great House, you're making the first step, I'm really glad."

House could sense that Wilson was attempting to put his matchmaking hat on again and he wasn't going to give him the chance to continue.

_"Yeah whatever, just let her know I'll be there in a hour and after that I'm letting you buy me lunch."_

"Gee, _that's_ a shocker." Wilson stated with mock disbelief, in reality though he was happy to have the normalcy back in his day.

_"I'll meet you in your office at 12:30, and Wilson, don't open your big mouth to my team. I really don't want to deal with them today, I'll have plenty of time to mock them when I come back."_

Wilson smiled at that, "Sure thing House and….good luck with Cuddy."

_"Yeah Yeah, gotta go."_

*****

As House approached the entry way to PPTH, he couldn't help but to be apprehensive regarding what he was about to do. He thought…'okay, all I have to do is go to Cuddy's office, get my job back, tell her that even though I had a delusion that I slept with her and announced it to the entire hospital, that I don't want to be with her . Then, go to Wilson's office, tell him that I'm suddenly gay and he is now the object of my interests. Piece of cake, right?' House just shook his head, 'What the _hell_ am I'm doing?'

House made his way through the lobby and into the clinic towards Cuddy's office with just a hand full of stares. He was thankful that he wasn't stopped by any well wishers as he was not in the frame of mind to humor their attempts at misplaced comfort.

He stood just outside Cuddy's door and just watched her for a moment; her eyes were downcast at whatever task she was trying to complete. House couldn't help but to feel a twinge of guilt over all the crap that he had put her through, not to mention the backlash she most certainly suffered from the balcony incident. 'Boy _that_ was stupid' he thought.

Even though he now knows that it isn't her that he truly desires, he still can appreciate the beauty that she radiates. For a brief moment, he wishes he could have been what she needed him to be, but he knows he can't and he really doesn't want to be. Wilson is who he wants and Cuddy is just a good friend who got caught up in the madness.

Just then, Cuddy glanced up towards her door to see House standing there, she reluctantly rises from her chair to open the door for him because she can see he isn't doing it for himself.

She's very nervous, the last time she had seen or spoke to the man he was having a breakdown in this very office and she was unsure of what to say or how to act.

"House…it's so good to see you, you look…great" her tone was shaky but cheery none the less.

House wasn't sure how to approach her, he was thinking of going with sexist sarcasm but decided at the very least, she deserved a bit of honesty mixed with a little respect.

"Thanks, it's good to see you too" he followed her into the office and took a seat opposite her desk while she went back to her original seat behind the desk.

House just wanted to get this over with so he jumped right in.. "I want to come back to work as soon as possible, I need to get my mind working again."

Cuddy gave him an uneasy smile before responding.. "Wilson told me what Doctor Payne is requiring in order to maintain your eligibility to practice, have you made your first appointment with Doctor Hudson?"

"Yes, it was made yesterday by Doctor Payne before she sprung me."

"House…." Cuddy hesitated before continuing, "do you think you can follow through with the medication and therapy? I know how you are when it comes to that kind of thing."

House's eyes were down cast as he watched his cane while he ground the end into the carpet..he knows she has reason for concern. Before he committed himself, he would never had agreed to this, but now…

"I don't have much choice do I, if I want to work I have to do it."

Cuddy conceded with a warm smile "then I'll run it by the board this afternoon, I don't see any reason why you can't start tomorrow, if you're ready."

House would never under normal circumstances show his appreciation of the woman in front of him but he couldn't help but to sound grateful for what she is doing for him.

"Thanks"

"You're welcome House"

House stood up as if he was going to make his exit but he knew he owed her more than this.

"Cuddy?"

"Yeah"

House took a deep breath…"listen, I know I've been a pain in the ass to you and this hospital, and it's not likely to change in the future…"

Cuddy, just shook her head and chuckled , "I don't expect that it will"

House was struggling with his words, he was definitely out of his element here…"what I'm trying to say is, I'm….sorry. I'm sorry for yelling over the balcony that we slept together, that couldn't have been easy for you…."

Cuddy was taken aback by his openness, "you weren't in a very stable….frame of mind at the time…" she hesitated to add the next part "and you thought.. that it actually….happened"

"Yeah, about that…I did a lot of thinking while locked up, not that there was much else to do. Anyway, I can't be the man that you need. You need a father for your kid and someone who will be there for you. That's just not me." God, he thought that felt way too difficult to spit out.

Cuddy was surprised by the words that came out of House's mouth, not because she didn't agree with them, but because she couldn't believe he was actually saying them.

"I know House, I guess I've known all along and just didn't want to admit it. I think we were both caught up in the thrill of the chase but didn't really consider what would happen when the chase ended." She wanted him to know that even though they could never be together , she still cared for him a great deal. "I've known you since med school, you are a very important part of my life for better or worse and I consider you a very close and personal friend."

House gave her a small smirk and followed with.. "well I'm glad we had this little chat…but don't think for a minute I'm going to stop admiring, rather verbally I might add, your bodily assets."

"I wouldn't have it any other way House"

With that House gave one last small smile toward his boss and started for the door. As he began to open it he felt Cuddy's hand rest on his shoulder. He turned slightly toward her…

"I really am glad you're better House, I really missed you"

With one stern nod in her direction, the older doctor was gone.

Cuddy watched his retreating form through the clinic while she thought about the conversation they just had. Even though she knew a romantic relationship would never work for them, she still had a small amount of sadness over the what ifs. She cleared her head of the thought and decided she was glad to just have him back and, _hopefully_ healthy.

*****

As House was riding the elevator (thankfully alone) to the fourth floor, he couldn't help thinking how smoothly the conversation with Cuddy went. He was so relieved to find out that she was on the same page with him as far as where their relationship stands. '_God_, if it could just be that easy with Wilson' and with that thought the elevator announced its arrival to his desired floor.

House reluctantly stepped from the elevator and glanced toward the diagnostics office to find it empty. One small relief he thought, he really _did not_ want the distraction of his fellows right now.

He stood in front of Wilson's door trying to get his thoughts in order, trying to quell his nerves. '_God_, stop being such a wuss, it's just Wilson…yeah just Wilson, the one person that means the most to me and I could very well lose him today.' House shook his head to clear it and pushed the younger man's door open with all the pomp and circumstance that he did in the days before Mayfield.

Wilson was startled by the racket the door made when House unceremoniously threw it open. He couldn't help but smile at himself though, because it brought back fond memories.

"Hey House…how'd it go with Cuddy?"

House was determined to keep the mood light.. "it went"

Wilson proceeded to get up from his chair and go in front of his desk to lean on it with his arms crossed.

"Oookaay" Wilson said with mock confusion, "When you coming back to work?"

"Tomorrow"

"That's great…" Wilson hesitated to move the conversation forward. "Did you talk to her about the…" he waved his hand in the air as if the gesture was sign language for delusion.

House knew exactly what he was talking about. "Yes"

"And?"

House was getting frustrated very quickly with the subject of the conversation.

"And what Wilson? What did you think was going to happen…that we'd fall into each other's arms?"

Wilson's own frustration was starting to rise as well, he was getting angry with House's vague answers. So with a condescending tone he stated…

"Oh, I don't know, I thought _maybe_ you would tell her that you cared for her and _that's_ why you imagined having sex with her…" he continued with more of an edge to his voice, "that _maybe_ you'd ask her out to dinner or something, like _normal_ people do!"

House answered confidently with his chin jutted forward. "Can't do that"

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want to"

Now Wilson was truly frustrated…"Same question..why not?"

House rolled his eyes but his features remained light and slack.. "Duh, because there's something else I want."

Wilson now is almost prancing where he's standing, the older man is really starting to get under his skin.

"House, what are you talking about? You've wanted Cuddy forever…stop being an idiot and just ask her out already."

House remained calm and was almost enjoying watching Wilson go on about this. "No, don't want to."

With a hand to the back of his neck, and a resigned sounding voice, Wilson stated…

"Then what do you want, because obviously I have no idea."

"Obviously"

"_God_ House, _stop_ being such an ass. Regardless of what you seem to believe right now, I can't read your mind. So _please_, just tell me what the hell you do want so we can end this idiotic conversation."

House closes the short distance between them and looks deep into the younger man's confused eyes. His voice is low and gravely when he simply states…

"This"

House gently places his hand on Wilson's cheek, stroking it lightly with his thumb while leaning forward to bring his lips flush to the lips of the man before him. Any doubts that House walked through that door with a few minutes ago where erased in this moment. He knew now, without a doubt that this just felt _right_.

Wilson is frozen in place, all thought processes have escaped him. He's just staring wide eyed at the man kissing him trying desperately to put a coherent thought together. Just then he feels the older man's tongue gently sweeping his lower lip as if asking for permission to enter. Wilson can feel himself start to relax as if his body was working independently of his brain. Before he can think about it, his eyes drift close and he begins to part his lips to allow the kiss to deepen.

Just as that was happening his brain finally started to come back online and takes over for his unthinking body…Wilson pushes House away abrupt enough that House had to catch his balance on the chair behind him.

"What the hell are you doing House?" Asks an exasperated Wilson while almost yelling.

Still trying to keep the mood light in spite of the turn of events… "I know I haven't done it with anyone in awhile, but I _thought_ I was kissing you."

Wilson is now starting to have a melt down and begins to panic… "Oh _God_…_oh God_ this can't be happening….this didn't just happen….I..I gotta go!"

House now was starting to panic a bit himself. "Wilson….wait!"

"No! I can't, I…I…I gotta get out of here…I'm sorry."

With that, Wilson was gone, leaving behind a very confused House standing in the middle of the oncologist's office.

'He liked it…_didn't he_? I felt him respond…he was enjoying it…_wasn't he_?'

"_Ah, Hell_. What did I just do?"

TBC

*****

_a/n: I truly hope I didn't disappoint anyone, I am trying to stay as true to the characters as possible with this story line. I really hope you enjoyed it and would love to hear from you. Next chapter we will see Wilson try to "analyze" his feelings. thanks so much!_


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: This chapter, House tries his latest puzzle on for size and Wilson over analyzes everything (like he always does). Thanks so much to all who commented and a special thanks to those who commented as nonmembers, I was unable to send you a personal response so thank you for reading. Also, thanks to those who have put this story on alert. Please read and enjoy, and I love comments so please feel free._

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 6

House made his way to the parking lot toward his motorcycle in a state of confusion. He was desperately running through his mind the events that had just occurred in Wilson's office. 'Did I go about this the wrong way…does he just not have the same feelings for me as I do for him…should I not have kissed him?' House couldn't help but smirk at the fact that his latest puzzle to solve was that of his best friend.

While playing through the moments in his head, he began to answer his own questions based on his observation of the scene that took place. 'If I would have gone about it differently, I probably would have fucked it up worse than this. I could feel him respond, he was starting to relax which means he must have gotten _something_ out of it. Final question, should I have kissed him…_Yes_, if I would have tried to talk to him about it I would have said something stupid, I _am_ an ass after all and not known for subtlety.'

House took off his sunglasses and put them in his jacket pocket as he was mounting his bike. While he was putting his helmet on, he gave himself a congratulatory smile for puzzling out what he could so far of the Wilson situation, and he didn't even need a white board to do it. House felt he had enough information to know that the younger man had _some_ interest in what had occurred, now all House had to do was hope that he had gotten it right and figure out how to get Wilson to let down his "socially correct" persona and join him on the dark side.

With that thought, House headed on his bike toward 221 Baker Street to recuperate from, what turned out to be a very taxing day.

*****

Wilson had been sitting on his couch for hours just staring blankly into space. He couldn't for the life of him figure out how he managed to get to his car, home, and changed into jeans and a sweatshirt without recalling doing any of it.

He was trying desperately to shake himself of the image of his best friend's lips pressed to his own. Just the thought of it though sent shivers down his spine with the likes that he hasn't felt since Amber. That thought gave Wilson pause and he began to question the very emotions he had been trying all evening to suppress. 'Did I actually like it? _No_, this is House were talking about, he is an acerbic, scruffy, unkempt _man_; not a soft , supple, beautiful _woman_.' Wilson continued to ponder his thoughts…'God, it _was_ starting to feel good though, for some reason it felt… right, as if we have been or should've been doing it all along.'

The younger man shook himself right out of _that_ line of thinking almost as soon as it began; this wasn't right, none of it was. 'Something about House was different, could that be why?' Now Wilson swiftly moved into denial mode.

He turned his thoughts to the possible motives that House would have to do such a thing, other than the obvious; after all it's much easier to blame this on House than to actually face his own feelings.

The first thing that he thought of, of course was whether it was a joke or some sort of test to see if Wilson would desert him again. Or, he said to himself as his thoughts took on a more serious turn…'is House still suffering from some sort mental issues…maybe during his therapy, the wires got crossed in his brain regarding his feelings toward myself and Cuddy.'

Wilson decided that this could be a plausible explanation; after all, House never gave him any indication of this before and now all of sudden he's what...._gay_?. The younger man made every effort to convince his brain of this theory and decided that if House was still not mentally healthy than he needed to go to him and help him through this until he was thinking straight again, literally.

*****

House had fallen asleep on the couch with his right leg propped up on the coffee table. His thigh was hurting him more than usual today, probably due to the emotional rollercoaster he went on with Cuddy and Wilson. House hated to admit it, but if therapy taught him anything, it was that his pain _is_ exacerbated by psychological triggers.

It took House's brain a moment to register the knocking on his door, but once he did, he knew immediately who was behind it. The older man lumbered to the door with his gait more pronounced due to his increased pain level, and opened it to a very nervous looking Wilson.

House decided that he had done enough already today and was going to let Wilson lead this one to see where it went. He just simply greeted the younger man…

"Wilson"

Wilson answered in a weary sounding voice. "House…I think we need to talk"

Like House didn't already know that, it was pretty obvious. He just nodded and stepped out of the way to let Wilson pass. The older man then proceeded to prod Wilson along.

"Are you gonna run away again if you don't like what you hear?"

Wilson gave him an incredulous look… "don't you think I had a reason to freak out House…what you did really caught me off guard, I mean what the hell did you _think_ would happen?"

Wilson didn't wait for a response and decided to just go right for the jugular… "why are you doing this House?"

House answered with a little bit of confusion… "exactly what are you referring to?"

Wilson ignored the question and just kept moving forward with his train of thought.

"Why _now_…after nearly twenty years of friendship…why are you doing this now?

"Wilson, I don't….."

Wilson cut him off with agitation building in his voice.

"House we've been friends for a long time and you've never given me any indication of feeling this way…" he could barely get out the next words, "of you being…._gay_."

House was going to say something but he thought better of it and just let Wilson continue on with his outward thought process to see where it headed.

"But now…after Mayfield, your what…." Wilson is pacing around the room now back and forth waving his hand out in front of him as if to gesture his next words, "in love with me….or attracted to me?

Wilson stops after that with his arms down by his side and his head lowered in a defeated pose while he continued in a more confused tone of voice.

"I mean, is it the medication they put you on….or maybe the therapy went wrong somewhere…? "

House finally reached his limit of keeping quiet and all but exploded on Wilson, the younger man started at the change in House's demeanor.

"_Wilson…Stop_! I'm not crazy…at least not anymore, it's not the meds, and the therapist did not plant a seed in my head about being gay for my best friend. This is how I feel Wilson; I don't know why or when it changed, I just know it did."

House stood up from where he was leaning on the arm of the couch while watching Wilson pace around the room. He took a deep breath while continuing in a more subdued sounding voice.

"If it makes me gay because I feel this way about you….well then, I guess I am….gay."

He took a step toward the younger man and made direct eye contact with him before following with…

"I don't want to pretend anymore…I don't want to waste anymore time being alone when I know what it is that I want. And if my people reading skills are worth a damn anymore than I think you feel something too."

Wilson was speechless, he doesn't recall ever seeing House so open emotionally. It truly took him by surprise and he was left standing there in front of the man absolutely stunned.

For the second time today, House breeches Wilson's personal space, closing the short distance between them. The older man takes a chance and places his right hand on the back of Wilson's neck while gently settling the left one on the other man's hip.

"This is what I want Wilson" … spoken in a soft and honest tone.

Wilson becomes lost in the older man's eyes just staring directly into them with his speech center not functioning. House leans into him and presses a very gentle chaste kiss to his lips while keeping his line of sight directly on Wilson's as to notice any panic that may arise in him.

Encouraged by the fact that Wilson hasn't bolted yet, House presses their lips together in a more demanding manner. Wilson closes his eyes and begins to melt into the other mans touch, parting his lips slightly to allow access to the tongue that is gently caressing his bottom lip. House takes full advantage to deepen the kiss and slips his tongue inside the younger man's inviting mouth, both now dueling for control while exploring the unknown territory of the other man.

House felt a jolt run straight through is groin at the feeling of reciprocation on the other end of the kiss. He can feel all the emotions of the last two months bubbling to the surface, the anticipation of this very moment exploding in his body. House can feel Wilson's hands now resting on his own hips and takes that as an invitation to move things a bit further.

He slides his left hand from the younger man's hip up to the hem of his shirt taking a moment to finger at the hem while gathering the nerve to continue. His thought process is not working at full capacity as it is putting all of its energy into kissing the man before him.

House finally makes another move to slide his hand from the hem of the shirt up underneath to the inviting skin. Just one touch of said bare skin sends House into a high state of arousal and it takes all of his will power to not throw Wilson down on the couch right now and have his way.

Wilson is so lost in the incredible feeling of the skilled lips that are placed firmly against his mouth that he doesn't register the hand that has now made its way up to the middle of his bare chest. Matter of fact, up until this point, his mind hasn't registered a whole lot of anything.

However, once the feeling of the strong hand does register, Wilson halted all actions with an abrupt….

"No"

House looked at him through hooded eyes and glistening kiss swollen lips and countered incredulously…

"What do you mean no?"

Wilson did not run like the last time, instead he stood there with a solemn look on his face..

"I'm sorry House, but…this just isn't right"

"What are you talking about, you seemed to be enjoying it just a second ago."

Wilson tried to come up with something that would make sense to both him and to House.

"It was just a physiological response…" he continued, "you're confused, you just spent two months in a psychiatric hospital…you don't know _what_ you want….and I'm…_I'm not gay_."

House couldn't help but to let out an angry sounding laugh.

"Yeah, I felt your _"physiological response"_ rubbing against my thigh; and Wilson, you just keep telling yourself all that bullshit and one day you may believe it."

Wilson couldn't help but to sound agitated, standing there with both hands on his hips and chin jutted in determination.

"I'm sorry…but I can't do this, and I'm not going to let you do something that you'll regret later after you come to your senses."

House was now full blown angry

"The only one that needs to come to their senses here is you. You're not concerned about my sanity or even my motives; you're worried about what other people will think. Heaven forbid if you aren't the politically correct panty peeling oncologist that everyone knows and loves. I mean what would you do if they all found out it was just a rouse and that you're actually gay, and even better, screwing around with a crazy, misanthropic asshole like me."

Wilson was stunned by House's words and before he could say anything to disagree, House made is intentions clear.

"You know what, just go. I don't need your self- righteous save House from himself attitude. So please, just taking your hypocritical ass and get the hell out of here!"

*****

Wilson found himself walking to his car with anger and self doubt lingering all around him. 'House is wrong, I'm doing this for him. He doesn't know what he wants, he's vulnerable right now and just sees me as someone to lean on. He's not gay and neither am I, I'm not attracted to him like that, he's my best friend and nothing more. I will prove it to myself and then show him how wrong he is about my intentions.'

As he was stepping into his car to take leave of House's apartment, he pulled out his phone to call a familiar number. He knows it's wrong to take advantage of people like this but he finds he only calls this number when he needs just the right kind of company and tonight, _that_'s exactly what he needs. A familiar soft voice greets him on the line.

_"Hello"_

"Hi Karen…it's James"

_"James hi, it's so good to hear your voice, how have you been?" _

"I've been okay…look, Karen….?"

_"What is it?"_

"Do mind if I come over…I could really use some company tonight…it's been..a bad day"

_"You know you're always welcome here. Are you hungry, I could whip something up for you?"_

Wilson knew damn well his intentions were not to go over there to eat but to get some comfort and prove some things to himself.

"No, I'm not hungry, but thanks for the offer, I'll see you soon"

_"See you soon, James"_

Wilson put his car into drive and headed to what he was hoping would be an evening of no strings attached sex and self confirmation from all the confusion that House had brought out in him today.

"He thinks he knows me so well…he doesn't know a damn thing, and tonight I _will_ prove it!"

TBC

*****

_A/N: This was a tad bit shorter than the last two chapters but I had to cut it here so as to keep the flow for the next chapter. I really hope you enjoyed it and I promise it won't always be so full of conflict. But we do need to remember who we're dealing with here, those boys can never do anything easy. Next chapter, Wilson stands at a precipice. Please let me know what you think and thanks so much for reading!_


	7. Chapter 7

_a/n: Here is chapter 7 and let me warn you, it is a Wilson centric chapter; I don't think you'll be disappointed though (at least I hope not). Wilson is attempting to work through his issues. Please read, enjoy, and then let me know what you think. Thanks to those who added my story to their favorites and also put it on alert. And of course thanks again to all who commented-now ON WITH THE SHOW!_

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, M/M pairing, pre-slash and slash (don't read if not your thing), rated T for language, possible change in rating to M for later chapters-not sure yet though._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 7

During the drive to Karen's house, Wilson's mind was reeling over a gamut of emotions; emotions that were so overwhelming that it consumed his very being. His thoughts ranged from House's mental condition and guilt over his participation in the breakdown, to the older man's accusations of Wilson's socially hypocritical ways, and finally to how truly right it felt to have House touch him as a lover would. The last thought of course, scared him the most; _that_ was the thought he needed to forget.

Before Wilson realized it, he was standing at Karen's door suddenly feeling that maybe he was making a mistake, but quickly shook himself of that thought once the beautiful brunette answered the door.

"It's so good to see you James" Karen stated in a soft and sultry voice as she motioned Wilson inside.

"You too Karen, it's been…along time" Wilson tried to hide the sadness and uncertainty in his voice with his patented 'James Wilson: sex god' smile.

"Would you like a drink, I have beer, bourbon, …."

"Bourbon would be great"

He generally wasn't a straight up hard liquor kind of guy, but he needed something to quell his nerves and he needed it _quick_. Karen handed him the drink which he downed in one long swallow; 'that should help', he thought.

_And it did_; before he had time to think about what he was doing, he grabbed Karen by her waist and pulled her into a hard and passionate kiss. She didn't think twice about his straight forward approach, as this is nothing they haven't done before.

Time seemed to be an abstract concept to Wilson at the moment, because before he knew it, they were heading toward her bed. The only thing that registered in his mind was the way their bodies were rubbing up against each other; hands purposefully moving up and down silky smooth skin, mouths exploring anything that could be reached.

Wilson's eyes were closed as he mouthed and nibbled at Karen's slender neck, trying desperately to get lost in the physical act that was happening at the moment. It was starting to work, Wilson could feel himself melt into the warm body that was next to him. He felt _strong,_ _rough_ hands sliding down his back and stubble wonderfully burning his cheek as he continued his assault on the earlobe and jaw line before him; it felt _incredible_ and his body _finally_ started to react. In an instant, his mind caught up with his body: 'stubble, rough hands?'

Wilson's eyes flew open as he began to panic; of course what he saw was not the owner of said stubble and hands that he imagined feeling, but of a very confused looking Karen. Wilson sat up with his feet hanging off the bed and placing them on the floor. He put his head in his hands and apologized profusely to the woman sitting next to him for his apparent lack of interest in _her_.

"_God_ Karen, I'm _so_ sorry…this was a mistake…I shouldn't be here"

"James…are you okay?" Karen stated with concern; after all, she did have a soft spot for the man.

"Yeah…I just have too much on my mind and it wasn't fair of me to bring you into the middle of this…I'm _really_ sorry…I… I should go"

"I understand, but you know I'm always here if you need me even if you just need to talk"

Wilson was amazed at how well she seemed to be taking his rejection considering he was the one that initiated it in the first place…

"Thanks…and Karen?"

"Yeah?"

"You deserve better than this you know"

"Maybe, but this is who I am" She flashed the grateful man a warm smile as he walked out the door.

*****

Wilson found himself back at his apartment pacing back and forth frantically, more confused than he had been all day. 'What the hell just happened…Karen's a beautiful woman, not to mention great in bed and all I could think about was _House_.' No matter how incredible it felt to have the older man touch him, Wilson could not get past the fact that it was _House_ who was the giver of said feelings.

Wilson was now starting to get angry; he wasn't sure about what though. All he knew was he needed to get to the perceived source of this sudden upheaval in his life, and that source would be Doctor Payne at Mayfield. The younger man decided it was about time to give her a little call.

_"Doctor Payne speaking"_ said the cheery voice on the other end of Wilson's line; _well_ he was going to have none of that. With as much resentment as he could muster he replied…

"Doctor Payne, this is James Wilson…I need to speak with you about Greg House's behavior since he left your care."

Detecting his anger, it gave her a pretty good idea what this was going to be about, but of course she would play along. With her friendly and ever professional voice…

_"Oh, hello Doctor Wilson, what seems to be the issue with Greg's behavior?"_

"Oh, I don't _know_…how about the fact that he thinks he's _suddenly gay_ and attracted to _me_!" spoken in a condescending tone with anger building in his voice.

Doctor Payne couldn't help but smile on the other end of the line, she was proud of House for actually coming forward to his best friend. Wilson didn't give her a chance to reply though…

"What sort of brainwashing did you do to him while he was there? I've been friends with him for nearly twenty years; don't you _think_ it would have come up _before_ now if it were actually true?"

Now he was truly angry, though he still didn't know what part of this was making him feel like that. Doctor Payne could sense that this may become an issue for House so her plan now was to try and calm Wilson down and talk to him about _his_ issues with this situation.

_"Doctor Wilson, exactly what did Greg say to you?"_

"He didn't _say_ much other than his feelings towards me have changed, but he _kissed_ me twice!"

_"He kissed you twice.."_ she contemplated that statement for a moment after repeating it to him; she chose her next words carefully.

_"You sound angry about what Greg did and said, as if you don't accept it; yet you allowed him to kiss you more than once…why?"_

Wilson was taken aback, what kind of psychobabble crap was she trying to pull on him.

"What do you mean, don't try to put this on me..he was fine before you got a hold of him. I want to know what…."

Doctor Payne felt a tinge of anger run through her at Wilson's words of being fine, she couldn't help herself from feeling protective of House and cut the younger man off …

_"Doctor Wilson, Greg was far from being fine when I, as you say, got a hold of him. He was suffering terribly from psychosis but yet his so called friends, including you I might add, seemed to miss any signs of his impending fall!"_

Wilson's mouth went dry and he felt like he was having a hard time breathing. Of course she was right and he knew it but it didn't make it any easier to hear. Sounding defeated he stated…

"I didn't mean to imply that everything about him was fine, just that he didn't seem to show any interest in me like that _before_ he was institutionalized. I'm just really having a hard time understanding where this is coming from."

Doctor Payne felt a bit of guilt for her earlier outburst..the man she was talking to genuinely sounded confused about his own part in all of this. She repeated her earlier question in a much gentler tone…

_"Doctor Wilson…why did you let him kiss you more than once?"_

Sounding resigned and just…tired, he replied

"I don't know…it just felt…_right_"

_"Then why are you so upset…if you enjoyed it, then why are you questioning your feelings?"_

His next words came out soft, not knowing if he was saying them more to her or to himself…

"He said I was a hypocrite, that I was being self righteous and trying to save him from himself. He thinks I'm afraid to admit that I might be gay."

_"Are you?"_

"Am I what?"

_"Afraid to admit that you might be gay and have feelings for him the way he does for you?"_

"Honestly…_I. don't. know_. Let's just say I do have feelings for him…_that way_, and we act on it. How is that good for his recovery? I know he likes to pretend that other people don't bother him but his breakdown begs to differ. I don't want to put him in a situation that could cause undue stress, and being in a same sex relationship _will_ do that."

_"Doctor Wilson, you need to start being honest with yourself. I know you feel guilty about what happened to Greg and I won't sugar coat it and I _will_ say that you _may_ had been partially responsible. But let's get to the real issue here and it's not about Greg…it's about _you_." _She hesitated for a moment before continuing…

_"He cares about you more than I'm sure he will ever admit, and based on conversations I've had with him; I wouldn't say this onset of romantic feelings is new. I think he has probably felt them for a very long time but just didn't want to, or couldn't risk the friendship you have."_

"Then why now?"

_"His breakdown allowed him to realize what is truly important in his life…and I think he came to the conclusion that the thing that means the most to him… is you. He forgives you for your part in his illness…it's time you forgive yourself and get down to the real issues at hand."_

Wilson couldn't help but to give this woman his undivided attention; he now knows why House opened up to her…she seems to read people very well.

"And what would those real issues be?"

_"You tell me Doctor Wilson"_

Wilson was quiet so she knew she would have to help him along.

_"Based on what you've told me, I believe you _are_ attracted to him and I have no doubt that you care for him deeply…so I don't think your issue is trying to deny that you might be gay or bisexual. I think your issue is with everyone else knowing this. Greg told me that you are a people pleaser, that you need to maintain this persona of the perfect guy."_

Wilson felt a little offended by her words.

"I don't have a persona…I _do_ like to please people and to receive respect in return…is there something _wrong_ with that?"

_"Only if it affects who you really are" _she paused for effect… _"I have a feeling Greg knows you better than anyone and he is a very perceptive man. He was afraid this is what would stop you from admitting your true feelings…and you know what? He's right."_

"And what makes you think these _are_ my true feelings…maybe your both wrong. House means a great deal to me but it doesn't mean I'm in love with him."

Doctor Payne shook her head in partial amusement and defeat. He was a tough nut to crack.

_"No, you're right it doesn't, but we both know you're lying to yourself if _you_ believe that."_

Wilson was speechless, he couldn't believe the balls this woman had. He needed to end this conversation.

"Thank you for your time Doctor Payne…I…appreciate your input; I will take it into consideration."

_"Doctor Wilson, he's not making this up; he truly does care for you. Don't break his heart, if you can't come to terms with your issues then be honest with him about it. Don't try to blame it on other reasons because he will see right through you and he will be hurt even more by your dishonesty….Take care Doctor Wilson, I wish you well."_

Wilson paused, feeling a bit overwhelmed by what she just said.

"Thank you… goodbye"

*****

After ending his call with Doctor Payne, Wilson just sat on his couch processing what happened from the moment House stepped into his office earlier this afternoon until now. He never thought he would be in this position to have to contemplate not only his own sexuality but that of his true feelings for a man that has been his best friend for most of his adult life.

Wilson decided to just call it a night and head for bed, the rest would surely help to take the fog from his mind. As he was going through his nightly routine on autopilot, he heard his phone ringing. Not sure whether to answer it or not in case it was House, he contemplated letting it go to voicemail. He decided in the end however to just answer it.

He was greeted with another familiar voice on the other end of the line.

_"Hi James, it's Lisa"_

Wilson didn't mean to sound distant but for some reason he couldn't help the weariness from coming through in his voice.

"Oh…Hi Lisa, how are you?"

_"Is everything okay?_

"Yeah, just tired that's all…had a….challenging day with House"

Cuddy sounded concerned _"Is _he_ okay?"_

"Yeah, he's fine…you know…just being House"

_"He came to see me today"_ she said softly

"Yeah, I know…he told me he should be able to come back to work tomorrow"

_"The board approved it this afternoon so he's good to go_ if_ he follows his regimen…by the way, why weren't you at the meeting?"_

"Oh..I…I had an appointment that I couldn't get out of" Wilson stated sounding a little embarrassed.

_"Oh, okay….listen James, that's not the only reason he came to see me…"_ she paused unsure if she wanted to share anymore but she felt she really needed someone to talk to; who better than his best friend.

_"He brought up the delusion and our relationship"_

That got Wilson's attention, was House just playing him…was he still trying to have a relationship with Cuddy as well? He couldn't help but to feel a huge bout of jealousy at that; Wilson tried to remain cool.

"What about them…did he ask you out or something?"

Wilson held his breath waiting for the answer.

_"No, that's what's strange about it, he said the exact opposite, in a very mature manner I might add. He told me it would never work between us and basically implied that we were just good friends"_

Wilson released his breath. "Is that what _you_ feel Lisa…that you two are good friends and nothing more?"

_"Maybe at one time, I wanted to be with him. I mean there is a certain appeal to the chaos that he imbues; not to mention the incredible feeling I had when he kissed me…."_

Wilson couldn't help but to smirk at that…he now has intimate knowledge of said kiss.

_"but Wilson, Rachel needs a father and he and I both know that he isn't the man for the job…I guess the reason I wanted to tell you this is because I really think House got something out of therapy….he seemed…I don't know, more mature and dare I say…_kind_."_

Wilson wasn't sure how to react to what she was saying. She just basically confirmed that House admitted that he doesn't want her, but yet he was an adult about it. 'Could this mean that he truly does want me…that it's not just his brain still screwed up?'

"Lisa, I'm sorry, but I have to go….I really have a lot of thinking to do….and…I think it's great that you two could come to an understanding…I'll see ya tomorrow, okay?"

Cuddy was a bit surprised by her employee's dismissal but she chalked it up as him being tired.

_"Sure thing, James..I'll see you tomorrow"_

For some reason, when Wilson hung up the phone, he felt a flood of relief wash over him. What could that mean…does he feel the same way for House…was he willing to put the friendship on the line for this...if he did, could he face society as who he truly is as opposed to who he's been pretending to be?

Wilson sighed and headed back again toward bed; this time uninterrupted. He decided that he would need to have a serious _adult_ conversation with House tomorrow if he was every going to work through this in his mind.

With the thoughts of the day, especially those of House's lips pressed to his, running through his mind; he drifted off into a restless sleep knowing that tomorrow could change everything.

TBC

*****

_a/n: I hope you liked this chapter; I know I know, there was no House and especially no H/W moments but this needed to be done. People think House has issues but let me tell you, sometimes I think Wilson has more. Next chapter House goes back to work and Wilson finds him in his office. Thanks so much for reading and would LOVE to hear from you!_


	8. Chapter 8

_a/n: I am soooo sorry about the delay in this chapter. I was doing so good updating every 2__nd__ or 3__rd__ day and then I hit a writer's block. For some reason, I knew what I wanted to happen in this chapter but just couldn't get it on paper the way I wanted. I really hope it turned out okay and I promise I will not make you wait that long again for further updates. Thanks to those who sent me emails to prod me along. This chapter we show Wilson trying to open up to House but House is a bit skeptical. Thanks to all who commented , the feedback really keeps me going. _

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, pre-slash and slash, rated pg-13 for language._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 8

The following morning House awoke to just as much tension and anxiety as he did the morning before; but for different reasons this time.

Other than the conversation with Cuddy, the rest of the day had been a complete disaster. House knew Wilson would kind of freak out over the new situation because that's what he does, but he really didn't think that he wouldn't come around.

He had high hopes when he saw Wilson outside of his door the night before, and even more so during, what House thought, was a very stimulating make out session. Of course though, as with everything in House's life, it all came crashing down around him.

House was sure that today wouldn't turn out much better with having to deal with his team for the first time since his breakdown and seeing Wilson just next door knowing that he most likely screwed up their friendship for good. The only thing House could think about was what Doctor Payne had told him..he thought.. 'stupid Doctor Pain in the ass for making me think I had a shot at happiness….stupid me for believing it.'

The ride to work was full of deep thought about the day ahead. House decided to just forget about the previous day, hell the previous two months and try to push his feelings for Wilson aside. It wouldn't be easy but he'd done it for this long and if he wanted a chance in hell of salvaging the friendship then he had no choice.

The only thing that made the drive tolerable was the fact that he was driving the Respol. God how he's _missed_ the freedom of the ride; the wind moving over his body as he hit the open stretch of highway. There has never been a better feeling than this he thought; it's the freest he's felt in a very long time.

*****

As House made his way through the lobby, he heard the familiar clicking of heels behind him. He rolled his eyes and as he turned around, he put on his best fake smile and greeted the approaching woman.

"Why Doctor Cuddy, how wonderful it is to see you this fine morning…I see the twins are looking exceptional today. To what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

Cuddy just smirked; acknowledging the heavy sarcasm for what it was worth.

"Good morning to you too House, I need to speak to you in my office before you head upstairs."

In a mock surprised voice, House responded

"_WOW_..I know I'm good but even _I_ didn't think I could get in trouble so quickly, geez I haven't even made it to my office yet."

"Come on House, I need to go over some ground rules with you."

"Aw mom, you know I don't do well with rules." House followed Cuddy into her office.

"_Gawd woman, _your ass is _huge_, what have you been doing while I was gone?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes but played along, secretly loving the fact that House seemed to be getting back to his usual snarky self.

"Well without you here to watch it for me, I guess it just went to hell."

House smirked at her quick retort

"Well I'm back, so you can count on me again to keep it in line."

"Good to know….listen, the board put some conditions on your return…they're just temporary but they need to be followed."

House felt a bit of fear and anger in the pit of his stomach.

"What kind of conditions?"

Cuddy hesitated but knew she had no way around it; she had to tell him.

"Foreman is still going to be in charge of the department until the board deems that you are well enough to handle it again."

House could now truly feel his anger rising

"This isn't necessary Cuddy, and we all know how well it turned out the last time you put Foreman in charge while I was still here."

Cuddy held her professional tone

"House, you have no choice; either Foreman's in charge for the time being or you can't come back."

House was trying to keep his temper in check, he knew he needed to come back; if just for the distraction. He _needed_ the work to take his mind off the pain that had increased since he no longer could take Vicodin and to, more importantly, keep his mind off of Wilson.

"What other conditions?"

"You'll be required to see the therapist three times per week for at least six months, you'll also be subjected to random drug tests to make sure you are staying off the opiates."

"Anything else you want to subject me too?"

"You'll also be required to take your psych meds even though you aren't currently showing symptoms."

"Cuddy, it was a temporary condition that I was diagnosed with, you _know_ that…I can't think clearly while taking them."

"You don't have a choice, we can't take the chance with patients lives that you may relapse…House, we can't take a chance with your life."

House felt beat up; he knew there would be conditions of his return but he felt like he had no control over his own life anymore. He realized that all the control was stripped from him the moment he started hallucinating Amber.

He tried to gain some of that control back when he admitted to Wilson how he felt but that was taken away as well. House turned his back to Cuddy with his head bowed as he stated in a soft and defeated voice…

"I guess I have choice, you got me by the balls."

Cuddy felt sympathy for the man before her, he's been through so much but she just didn't have any choice…

"House, it won't be for….."

House cut her off "Save it"

With that, he left to go to his office…or Foreman's office, who the hell knew anymore.

House approached the elevator and pushed the up button. He realized in that moment that people were staring at him as he stood and waited. House never much cared about what people thought of him, but for some reason, today he seemed bothered. 'Great' he thought 'these people see me as the crazy doctor from the nut house. How the hell am I going to be able to practice medicine here again?' House entered the elevator feeling about as low as he felt just before going to Mayfield.

As he reached the fourth floor, he took a deep breath, stepped off the elevator, and began the frightening walk back to his old life; though he knew it wasn't the same….that it would _never_ be the same. Just one look at Wilson's door reminded him of that.

House walked past the conference room, noticing out of the corner of his eyes that his team was watching him go by. He ignored the glares and headed straight to his office. Once inside, he put his backpack down, takes off his leather jacket, and sits in the chair behind his desk for the first time in two months. For a brief moment, relief washes over him at the familiarity of the simple act.

Of course the feeling couldn't last as he watched the ducklings approach his office. Once inside, Thirteen greeted him with a smile and a welcome back. Taub showed his usual disinterest but mumbled a "it's good to have you back". Foreman, of course had his patented smug, 'I think I'm better than everyone else' look as he stood silent with his arms crossed.

House decided to break the annoying tension in the room…

"Well children, do you have a case for daddy or are you just going to stand there and stare at me all day?"

Foreman finally spoke.. "were in between cases right now"

"Well in that case, don't let me keep you from clinic duty or… hiding…whatever it is that you did in my absence."

Taub rolled his eyes and left the office, Thirteen just on his heels spewed "it really is good to have you back House" with that she was gone, just leaving House and Foreman in the office in what seemed to be a showdown of sorts.

House leaned back in his chair while crossing his arms and studied the man standing across his desk.

"So is this where you give me the rules…_boss_?"

Foreman looked at the older doctor and dropped his hands to his sides with a sigh...whether he would openly admit it or not, he does have respect for the man and feels empathy for the situation he's in.

"Look House, I didn't ask for this anymore than you did; the best thing for us to do is just try to work together until you get the department back."

Even though House could see that the man was trying; with the way the last twenty four hours had gone for House, he just couldn't shake the anger.

"Whatever you say boss."

Foreman just shook his head and mumbled, "I'll be in the clinic if you need me."

House spent the rest of the morning going through old paperwork and emails. He was never one to do such mundane tasks but without the distraction of a patient, there was little else he could do; and god knows he _needed_ the distraction.

*****

Wilson spent the morning holed up in his office working on a back log of paperwork not wanting to face the outside world. He had spent a major portion of the evening before thinking about everything that House had said and done since Wilson picked him up from Mayfield.

The younger man also spent time working over in his mind the last twenty years of friendship with House. Wilson noticed things in those memories that he never had before; subtle things that they just played off as their usual banter and innuendos.

The younger man also remembered the attraction that he always secretly held for House, something that he tried desperately for many years to bury. What Wilson never wanted to admit before now was the fact that House was not the first man he had been physically attracted to.

He thought back to the time as an undergrad when he, one drunken night acted on the attraction that he felt for his dorm roommate and ended up in the hospital with 3 fractured ribs and a broken nose. He vowed to himself that night that he would never be so stupid again to allow himself to feel that way about another man. One year later he was on wife number one.

Now, however, twenty two years after that fateful night; Wilson is thrust back into contemplating his own sexuality and the price of admitting something he has spent a life time denying.

Wilson did realize last night that he does have a strong attraction to House and admittedly always had but never wanted to face it. Now he has no choice but to meet the situation head on and see where it takes him. He knows he doesn't want to lose House's friendship but now that House has confessed his feelings for the younger man, how can they go back? Wilson wonders if it is now forward or nothing. But if they move forward will society accept them, will Wilson be able to face himself for who he truly is?

Resigned to the fact that he can't let his go any longer, Wilson got up from his chair to head over to the man in question's office.

Wilson stopped just outside House's office and just stared at the older man. He thought about all of the things that over the years had attracted him to this abrasive pain in the ass of a human being. Was it the haunting blue eyes that you could get lost in, or the long piano fingers that are an instrument in and of them self, or was it the aura that the man radiates around him that just makes you feel in awe by being in his presence? Wilson didn't know, but shook himself of his thoughts and knocked lightly on the door.

House looked up from his medical journal he had been reading with his glasses perched on his nose and watched Wilson enter his office after knocking.

"Hey"

House settled back in his chair and removed his glasses.

"Hey"

Wilson could feel the tension building around them.

"How'd it go with your team?"

"They're still idiots"

Wilson couldn't help but to smirk

"Gotta case?"

"Not yet"

The younger man wasn't sure about his next question but decided he needed the normalcy of it.

"You up for some lunch?"

House decided he needed to stop the farce that Wilson was trying to create.

"What's this about Wilson?"

"What do you mean…I just thought you might be hungry"

"What…so this is the part..where were just going to ignore what happened yesterday?"

Wilson's shoulders dropped as he rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

"House I'm not trying to ignore what happened. I did a lot of thinking last night and…I think….we need to talk."

House snorted at what he thought was the redundancy of the situation.

"Again?...What about _this_ time…are you going to preach to me about the evils of my desire for a homosexual lifestyle….or are you just going to tell me how crazy I am still?"

Wilson was taken aback by the bitterness he heard in House's voice. He felt his hand stray to the back of his neck again so he forced both hands deep into his pockets to quell the nervous twitch.

"No House…what I'm trying to say is…maybe your…people reading skills are still better than ever."

House looked at the younger man with a stunned expression while searching his deep brown eyes for any hint of deception. Wilson continued while the other man studied him.

"I can't explain it….but…I can't deny it either. There's something there House, maybe there always has been and I just never wanted to admit it…now, I really don't know what to do about it."

House finally found his voice, with a hint of disbelief he asked

"Why the change…last night you made yourself perfectly clear that you weren't gay, while trying to tell me that I wasn't either."

As Wilson was about to answer, Cuddy entered House's office.

"Wilson, we have an emergency board meeting in ten minutes regarding a donor that is threatening to pull some major funding…can you be there?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there"

Cuddy looked between both men noticing the tension in the room. She didn't say anything, just turned to leave.

Wilson took a deep breath and turned to House

"Can we talk tonight?"

House was weary of the other man's request; the last talk didn't go so well, but something inside him wanted to give Wilson another chance to accept him.

"Eight o'clock…bring pizza and beer"

Wilson couldn't help but smile at the conditions.

"Sure thing House, see you at eight."

*****

Wilson spent the rest of the day trying to come to terms with what he planned to do tonight. He wasn't sure if he was ready to admit to himself again after all these years that he could be attracted to a man and also act on said attraction. At the same time he realized he didn't want to lose House.

Wilson ordered the pizza from the shop down the street from House's apartment, he knew it was the other man's favorite place. He picked up the beer along with the pizza and headed to 221B.

When he reached his destination, Wilson began to get nervous; unsure of exactly what he planned to do or say once inside. He approached the door and heard House playing the piano; though he has never so much as admitted to the older man, Wilson loves to listen to House play. He could never get over how truly talented the man really is.

After listening for a moment to quell his nerves, Wilson knocked at the door. House was lost in a slow melody when he heard the knock from the younger man. He stopped playing abruptly and seemed to be frozen to his seat.

House yelled for Wilson to come in as he slowly rose from the piano bench and headed to the middle of the room. Wilson opened the door and saw House heading away from the piano; he looked at him for a moment and set the pizza and beer down on the coffee table.

"Hey"

"I see you brought beer and pizza"

"Why wouldn't I?" Wilson asks confused

"Dunno, still haven't figured out why your even here"

Wilson stood back and just looked at the older man for a moment. He tried to speak but the words just wouldn't come; after all, wasn't he here to talk? He just continued to stand there looking at House, seeing before him twenty years of friendship, of heartache, stolen lunches, bowling nights, drunken nights on the couch…twenty years of companionship.

Wilson realized in that moment that House was and always had been the one constant in his life; the only person that truly knew him for who he was with all his flaws, not the persona that he lived by on a daily basis. Even knowing this, House had always stuck by him and cared enough to stay. House may be screwed up but Wilson knew that the older man would always be there for him no matter what.

House looked at him with creased brows trying to figure out what the other man was thinking, while lost in that puzzle, Wilson approached him standing toe to toe, noses just inches apart. House could feel the other man's breath mingling with his own. For once he was speechless as he stared into the hypnotizing brown eyes that looked back at him.

"Wilson…..?"

Wilson put one finger on House's lips and said in a whisper

"Shhhh"

He then replaced his finger with his lips. House stiffened, still confused due to the rejection he suffered the night before. He broke the kiss but didn't back away.

"Wilson…what is this?"

"House…_I don't know_, but I know I couldn't stop thinking about you last night…couldn't stop thinking about what you've meant to me for half my life." He hesitated and barely above a whisper he added… "I couldn't stop thinking about you touching me."

House hooded his eyes as Wilson spoke the last part but with a breathless tone, he asked

"What about your reputation, what about everything you said yesterday?"

"I'll be honest with you House, I don't know what will happen tomorrow or if I'll be able to face that part of this any better. All I know is that right here….right now…_this_ is all I want."

House put a hand on Wilson's cheek, searching for answers in the expressions of the man he couldn't stop thinking about. He leaned into within an inch of Wilson's lips and stated in a gravely, seductive voice…

"I want you"

Wilson's heart skipped a beat as House leaned closer. He had never wanted anything so much as he wanted House in that very moment, tomorrow be damned. Wilson closed the distance and kissed House with all the emotion and passion that he was feeling. The older man responded in kind by ravishing the younger man's mouth as if his life depended on this very kiss.

Wilson began to lift House's t-shirt to feel the warmth of the bare flesh below the fabric as he started to lead the other man to the bedroom, while never breaking the kiss. House's mind was jumping between what was happening with Wilson and what the other man said about being able to face tomorrow. _Oh God_, he wanted this so bad though; his body was betraying his mind. What would happen if he let this continue, what if Wilson couldn't face him in the morning, could he risk the friendship if Wilson wasn't able to deal… but how could he stop it? Isn't this what he always wanted?

TBC

*****

_a/n: Again, thanks so much for your patience, I promise to not go that long before the next update. I hope I didn't disappoint you with the chapter and would love to hear from you what you think. Next chapter, what will House do, will they make it the bedroom? Thanks for reading!_


	9. Chapter 9

a/_n: Here is chapter 9 and in this one, we see the boys finally have a real heart to heart talk about where this_ _relationship may be going. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and to those who put this story on alert and in their favorites. I really hope you enjoy. Thanks for reading._

_Warnings: Possible spoilers for end of season 5 and beginning season 6, pre-slash and slash, rated t for language._

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 9

The trip to the bedroom was full of raw passion the likes that neither man had ever felt before. Shirts had been discarded, mouths explored, and arousals at their peak.

Wilson gently pushed House down onto the bed and trailed small nips and kisses down the older man's neck and collarbone. The delicious noises that Wilson heard come from House's mouth only served to heighten the heat that pooled in the younger man's groin.

House's hands explored the curves and muscles of Wilson's shoulders and back as he relished in the rippling that he felt below his finger tips. 'God' House thought 'this feels so good', but for some reason House's mind kept trying to tell him that something was terribly wrong.

"Wilson….?"

Wilson's mouth attached over House's carotid and sucked lightly sending the other man into pure bliss.

"Hmmm….?"

Whatever House was going to say to discourage the ministrations of the other man, it was lost in that moment.

"Oh _God_, Wilson…..you feel _so_…good"

"So do you House…_oh_..so do you…_God I want you so bad_"

Wilson's hand gently caressed its way down House's chest and rested on his belt. Wilson began to work on opening the buckle and that caused the older man to tense under Wilson's touch. That didn't go unnoticed.

"House…? What is it?"

"I….I…Oh _God, hmmm_….this is _so_ good…but…."

Wilson stopped all of his movements and just looked at the man that laid below him. Exasperated and a bit breathless, he asked…

"I thought this was what you wanted?"

"It is…you _have no_ idea how much"

"Then what's the problem?"

House closed his eyes for a moment trying to think of what his next words would be…

"I can't believe I'm saying this…but…I think we need to talk about this before anything else happens."

"Ooookaaay"

Wilson leaned off of House taking care not to brush the older man's damaged leg and sat on the side of the bed.

"Here or in the living room?"

"I think out there would better."

Wilson tried to will his obvious erection down while he found his shirt in order to make his way to the other room. Though he was saddened by the loss of physical contact, he wanted this to go well so if it was delayed by a conversation to make House feel better than so be it.

House sat on the couch while Wilson took a place on the chair at the end of the coffee table. The younger man tried to keep the mood light…

"So, this is very uncharacteristic of the Gregory House I know…you know, the one that refuses to talk about anything in fear that he may break out in hives?"

House gave a small self deprecating smile and turned his eyes downward. Wilson's brow creased at what he thought looked to be uncertainty in this friend's manner. Wilson thought to himself, did he get it wrong? Isn't this what House wanted? Now with concern, he asked....

"House, seriously…what is it? Did something change since yesterday, do you not want this anymore?"

"Me wanting this is not the problem here."

"Then what _is _the problem?"

"You"

"What do you mean, I'm the problem? House…I started it tonight, I told you that I wanted this…that I wanted…._you_."

"What about after?"

Wilson stood up with one hand on his hip while the other briskly rubbed at the back of his neck.

"What are you talking about House…what do you mean what about after?"

"Wilson, what about after we have sex? Which I'm guessing is what your goal was back there on my bed. What happens after you get off…where does that leave me…where does that leave _us_?"

"God House, your unbelievable; you tell me that you want me, I try to give you that and now what?...What do you want me to say?"

"Is that all this is to you….just sex?"

"No…I..don't think…so"

House clicked his tongue while starring at the ceiling…

"Hmmm, you don't think so…but…you're not sure"

"Why does it matter?...it's what we both want"

"Wilson, if I only wanted to have sex, I would hire a hooker not try to seduce my best friend."

"So what are you saying…you want me to be what…your boyfriend?"

"Seriously? Do you always have to sound like a girl?"

Wilson just stared at House really not knowing what to say to him anymore. House stood up to get Wilson's undivided attention.

"Listen, because I am only going to tell you this once. I care about you…and I want to have a real relationship with you. _But_ if this is just about you getting off, then I'm not willing to risk our friendship for a one night stand."

He looked dead into Wilson's eyes to drive his point home…

"Are you willing to have a relationship with me and _only_ me…an _open_ relationship? I don't want to play games with you or our friendship, either you want this or you don't, but if you don't then don't play games with me." He paused for effect… "because that will end badly."

In a much softer and hesitant voice, he added…

"I don't know if I can go though you leaving me again."

Wilson looked at his best friend with a stunned expression at the openness that the other man had shared with him. He swallowed slowly then spoke in a solemn tone…

"House, I don't know what to say…of course I care about you, more than you know, but I don't know if I can give you that. I'm not saying I can't….but I just don't know how comfortable I am about any of this." He hesitated before continuing… "I'm a man that's known for my way with women….for my love _for_ women; it's who I am. How do I change everything I've known about myself over night…to be the person that you want me to be?"

"I'm not asking you to change Wilson; I'm asking you to stop pretending and admit who you really are."

"What makes you think I'm not really what I've always been?"

House looked directly into Wilson's eyes and stated with conviction

"Because I know _you_."

Wilson dropped his arms to his side and gave a defeated pose

"I'm not sure I can be who you need me to be....it doesn't change the fact though that I _really do_ want you."

House shook his head and with a small smirk he stated

"I want it all Wilson"

"I don't know if I can do that….I'm _sorry_ House"

House walked over to Wilson and placed a hand on the younger man's hip while the other hand made its way to the back of Wilson's neck. House leaned in and placed a lingering gentle chaste kiss on his best friend's soft lips. Wilson couldn't help but to close his eyes and lose himself in the tender gesture that the older man offered. After a moment, House pulled away and while looking into deep brown eyes, he simply stated….

"_So am I_"

With that , the older man vanished into the depths of his bedroom and Wilson knew in that moment that he just outstayed his welcome.

*****

The next few days at work went by in a blur; House threw himself into the two cases that Cuddy had dug up for him and Wilson occupied himself with his patient load as well as paperwork.

Wilson wasn't intentionally avoiding House during those days, (so he told himself), but he didn't go out of his way to seek out his friend either. Because of this, the two men hadn't spoke since the night at House's apartment when they almost had sex. Wilson winced at that thought; feeling the loss of what might have been. He couldn't help but to continually replay in his head the moments that House had touched him; how wonderfully right those touches felt. He wanted to be with House so badly but was it only physical? He couldn't take the chance with his best friend's feelings until he was absolutely sure.

Dismissing his current thoughts, Wilson immersed himself in the pile of paperwork that was overtaking his desk.

*****

House was working in the clinic when a familiar man from his past made his presence known.

"G-man!"

"Dylan Crandall…to what do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

"I was doing an interview with an uptight sax player for my new book over in Newark and thought I would check in on my old friend. Ya know, I never did get to properly thank you for saving Leona."

"Yeah, how is that bastard child that you claim as yours?"

"I see you haven't lost your sense of humor. She's great though, just started college….You know, I owe her life to you."

"Yeah yeah yeah, whatever"

"When are you done today? Let me take you out for a drink…I'm here for a few days and sure could use the company… besides, it'd be good to catch up on old times."

"_God_ you're such a sap"

House studied the man in front of him; at one point in time he was attracted to him and even kind of carried on an on again off again fling with Crandall back as an undergrad. House was feeling particularly antsy, and besides even though he didn't want a one night stand with Wilson, what would it hurt if something happened with Crandall, hell he hadn't gotten any action since before Mayfield, he was due.

"Why not, I'm off in an hour, meet me at my office."

*****

Wilson was getting ready to leave for the day and found himself missing his friend. He decided to make a detour by House's office . Even though he couldn't give the man an answer about moving forward in a relationship, that doesn't mean he intended to ignore House altogether.

Wilson grabbed his coat, left his office, and locked the door behind him as he made his way to House's office. As he turned the corner he saw Crandall heading into House's office just behind the man himself. With his curiosity piqued, he moved a little closer so he could just observe the scene taking place.

Wilson wasn't sure why he chose to do this, but something was compelling him to watch. What he saw would have been innocent for anyone other than House. House was a man that valued his personal space at all cost so when he saw Crandall place a gentle hand on the other man's shoulder and then let it trail down House's arm, he felt a pang of jealousy rise up in him.

Just as Wilson was getting ready to leave because he couldn't bear to watch anymore, House noticed him in the hallway and waved him in. Wilson weighed his options of just leaving or going in and thought he would be better off in the long run to just face House now.

House noticed Wilson's discomfort and for some reason felt the need to milk it for all that it was worth.

"Wilson, you remember Dylan Crandall?"

"Yes, of course…how are you…how's your daughter?"

"She's great, thanks to G-man here"

Wilson smiled outwardly, but inside he really just wanted to punch the guy.

"That's great, so what brings you to New Jersey?"

"Work, just thought I'd take the G-man out for a night on the town, you know for old times' sake."

Wilson thought if he said G-man one more time, someone would really get hurt.

Of course House had to stir the pot..

"You know Wilson" with a wink he added… "for _old times' sake_"

Wilson cringed at the thought of what the wink meant but was ever the polite oncologist and didn't let on to the jealousy that he so obviously felt. Crandall decided to be the polite one since House didn't seem inclined to do so.

"Would you like to join us for a drink Doctor Wilson?"

"I'm sure he has a nurse in a short skirt waiting somewhere for him and would have no interest in what we may do tonight."

Wilson just glared at House's comment but didn't allow himself to be bated. He also had no intentions of accepting the offer that Crandall extended because he didn't want to witness House with someone else.

"Though I'm not lucky enough this evening to have a lovely nurse waiting; I think I'll decline your invitation. Thanks anyway."

Now it was House's turn to just glare at the younger man, he was actually hoping that Wilson would take Crandall up on his offer, if only to spend some time with him. Dylan, however, was oblivious to what was happening between the two men and simply stated…

"Okay, well it was nice to see you again."

"Yeah you too" Wilson hesitated before adding "See you tomorrow House"

"Yeah…whatever"

TBC

*****

_a/n: Thanks so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next one we'll see what happens with a jealous Wilson; will he decide he can't let someone else have House? I would love to hear what you think and thanks again for reading._


	10. Chapter 10

_a/n: Here's chapter 10, I realize my updates are a week in between and I am going to try desperately to improve that like I was in the beginning. In this chapter, Wilson get's surprised in more ways than one. This chapter is told mostly from Wilson's point of view because it has to do a lot with his emotions, but have no fear, House is in this chapter. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think._

_Warnings: Rated T for language, pre slash/slash, possible spoilers for season 5_

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

Chapter 10

Wilson found himself sitting alone in his apartment just staring at the walls. All he could do was think about the events of the past week since House was released from Mayfield; so much had changed.

When he dropped House off months before, he had a friend that was devastated by mental illness and he was determined to be there for him no matter what. Now however, what came home to him was a virtual stranger.

Wilson thought about the changes that had taken place in House: he seemed a bit more self assured, a bit less needy, but most of all, the biggest change was the fact that House was now attracted to him. That House_ wanted_ him.

Wilson racked his brain and scanned over the last twenty years for telltale signs regarding House's sexuality. All he could come up with was complete heterosexuality. Was House always gay and he just missed it, or was he just going through an emotional phase brought on by therapy?

Wilson still wasn't sure if he could give himself to House in the way that the older man requested and it was making every other aspect of their friendship more difficult. He did however, resign himself to the fact that he was physically attracted to the older man and wanted to pursue a sexual relationship with him; but House wanted more. Wilson just didn't know if he could give him that: _after all_, Wilson wasn't gay, right?

Wilson's thoughts turned to earlier in the day. What the hell was that with Crandall? It was just a touch of the arm, but it seemed a whole lot more. Was there something going on there that Wilson missed? Of course not, he was just being paranoid now.

Wilson decided he couldn't just sit there anymore and for some unknown reason to him, he felt the need to apologize for spying on House and Crandall in the office earlier. With that, he decided to go to House's apartment; after all regardless of the new situation looming between them, he still did miss the man's company.

*****

Wilson found himself standing outside of House's door at one in the morning, wondering if he should even be there; wondering if House was even awake. That question was answered when Wilson's ears were treated to the sweet sound of a ballad that permeated through the walls of the apartment coming from House's piano. After taking a few moments to calm his nerves to the soothing sound, Wilson knocked.

House immediately stopped playing and made his way to the door; on the other side, he was surprised to see Wilson. He looked over his own shoulder and then back at the younger man with what Wilson would describe only as fear on his face.

"What are you doing here?"

Wilson was taken aback by the gruff tone of House's voice.

"I guess I just wanted to apologize for my behavior earlier in your office."

"Apology accepted…I'll see you tomorrow." with that, House started to close the door. Wilson was confused and hurt by House's quick dismissal of him and put his hand up to stop the door's motion.

"House…can I please come in for a minute so we can talk about this?"

House looked to be weighing his options, looked over his shoulder again and opened the door enough to allow Wilson to enter.

"So what do you want to talk about at one o'clock in the morning that just couldn't wait until tomorrow?" House said incredulously

At that point, Wilson noticed that House was wearing a pair of sleep pants and nothing else. He couldn't keep his eyes from scanning up and down the older man's bare chest. Of course, that didn't go unnoticed by House.

"See something you like?"

Wilson blushed but ignored the question.

"House, I've been thinking about everything that's happened the last few days..."

"And?"

"I don't want to lose your friendship but I can't ignore the fact that I'm physically attracted to you either, so I was thinking maybe we could…."

Before Wilson could continue he heard another man's voice. He craned his neck to look past House and down the Hall to see Crandall walking from the bedroom in just boxers still half asleep.

"Hey, I woke up and you were gone…come back to b…" It was at that point that he noticed Wilson standing in front of the door.

"Um…Doctor Wilson….I didn't know you were here."

"I could say the same about you."

House was clearly agitated by the situation. "I couldn't sleep, go back to bed…I'll be there..in a few."

Wilson couldn't help the jealousy that flooded through his system at that statement. Crandall looked between House and Wilson with a knowing look.

"Okay…see you in a few then…goodnight Doctor Wilson." at that, he headed toward the bedroom to leave the other two men with the obvious tension that had just filled the room.

Wilson just stared at House with an expression that House had never seen before on the younger man's face.

"What?" he snapped

"I thought you didn't want _just_ sex… that you would use a hooker for that. The last I knew, Crandall wasn't a hooker."

"Said I didn't want just sex with you."

Wilson stood there confused, angry, and resigned all at the same time. After all, he told House he didn't know if he could give him more than sex. Obviously though House didn't feel that strongly about it if he felt the need to jump into bed with someone else just a few days later. Not just someone else, but another _man_.

"I take it, having sex with guys isn't a new thing for you?"

House wasn't sure how to answer that question or what the other man was looking for, so he just went with the truth.

"It's been…along time…but…no it's not."

Wilson was surprised by that, for some reason he thought this was a new situation for both of them to explore together. He thought to himself.. 'great, romanticizing again.'

"I guess I was naïve for thinking otherwise."

House could see the hurt that played out on Wilson's face

"I never told you that I hadn't been with other guys before."

Wilson shook his head in weary wonderment

"No, you didn't but I thought it was new territory for the both of us. I guess I was stupid to think that these feelings were all for me"

"_God_, Wilson don't be an idiot, me having sex with another man does not make anything that I said or the little that has happened between us any less important…"

Wilson was incredulous

"What _little_ that has happened between us? House, we kissed…_fuck_, we did more than that; we almost had sex! Maybe this is a common occurrence for you but I've _never_ been with a man…let alone, _my best friend!_"

"Wilson…just…"

Wilson cut him off… "How many?"

"How many what?"

"I mean, have you been gay all this time and I just didn't notice? How many men have you slept with?"

"Not that I think it's any of your business but…just…Crandall. It was sporadic while we where undergrads and just pick it up every now and then when he's in town."

Wilson let out an angry sounding laugh

"So..I'm just some sort of replacement then…for…him. He's the only one you've been with so it must be important to you…surely I can't compete with that."

"Now you're just being irrational…"

Wilson couldn't keep his voice from getting louder with his agitation

"You turned me down the other night and now…you're in bed with another man! How is that me being irrational?"

"I turned you down because you don't really want this and the friendship is too important to fuck up for just sex…you're too damn worried about your…"

"You know what…tonight I thought maybe I did want more which is why I came here you bastard. But after what I've witnessed, obviously it didn't mean that much to you…go…your _boyfriend's_ waiting. I'm sure you'll forget all about me while your fucking _him_!" With that, Wilson left the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

House stood there with his head bowed and unsure of what just happened. Mumbling to himself, he said

"You're _all_ I've thought about."

House made his way back to the bedroom and climbed into bed with his back to Crandall. Dylan put his arm around him and placed small suggestive kisses to the back of his neck. House just shrugged him off

"I'm tired, I'm going to sleep now."

Crandall took the hint and gave the other man his space.

*****

Wilson laid in bed; images of House back at his apartment in bed with Crandall flooded his mind. 'Why should it matter so much to me', he thought 'were just friends; no promises were made, were not in a relationship.' Wilson realized that the last thought was his own doing. 'It shouldn't matter who House sleeps with, were just friends.'

*****

The next morning, Wilson felt off; he couldn't concentrate and was screwing everything he touched up left and right. He realized that he needed to talk to someone, just so he could sort out the thoughts that were overtaking his mind.

He found himself standing outside of his boss's office wondering if it was such a good idea to go there. Cuddy spotted him just outside her door looking lost so she opened it and invited him in.

"There something I can do for you Doctor Wilson?"

"Um…." Wilson's eyes scanned her office looking every bit embarrassed as he actually felt. Cuddy picked right up on his odd behavior.

"James? Is there something wrong?"

He finally looked at her and nodded his head slowly.

"Have a seat."

He sat down as she rounded her desk to take a seat

"It's House."

Cuddy couldn't stop the panic from rising in her, was House having a relapse?

"Oh _God_, what happened? Is he hallucinating again?"

Wilson snapped out of his haze at that and quickly did damage control.

"No, no nothing like that…."

She let out a breath she had been holding.

"Thank God…what is it then?"

Wilson gave a small self deprecating laugh

"I can't believe I'm going to tell you this, but I really need someone to talk to….I don't know what to do."

Cuddy could hear the desperation in his voice and her demeanor softened. It was obvious that he needed a friend right now.

"Just start from the beginning."

"There's more to the reason why House decided not to pursue a relationship with you. He told me…or rather _showed_ me the reason after he left your office the other day."

Cuddy was confused

"I don't understand."

"The reason is because he wants to have a relationship with….._me._"

"Well of course, he wants to make sure the friendship didn't suffer while he was gone, but I don't understand how that has to do with me."

Wilson could feel his agitation rising with the situation

"Cuddy…you're not understanding ….he _kissed_ me and then I …..kissed …him more than…once."

His voice was barely above a whisper by the time he reached the end of that statement. Cuddy just sat there, hand over her mouth staring at Wilson while trying to comprehend exactly what he was telling her.

"Wilson….are you…_gay_?"

Defensively and then resigned, he answered

"_NO_…I don't know…_God_, Lisa I'm so confused, I don't know what I'm doing."

"What did he say to you?"

"That he wants a relationship with me but doesn't want to mess up the friendship with just sex. He wants me to commit openly to him…or not at all."

Cuddy was still in shock over this new development in House's life. Disbelieving, she stated

"I never realized he was gay."

"I think he's bisexual actually…I don't know, this is all just a shock to me right now."

As Cuddy was slowly coming to terms with her emotions, she replayed what Wilson had already said to her.

"You said you kissed him back…more than once. So you must want this too?"

"A few nights ago, I went over to his apartment and we…got…into it pretty…heavy; ended up on his bed…but before it could escalate…" Wilson felt his face turn beet red from ear to ear while he continued… "he stopped it."

"If it's what he wanted, then why did he stop it?"

"He thought I was just there to get off"

"Where you?"

"I didn't think so until he told me not to play around with him and laid down the ground rules for a relationship. If I can't commit then he just wants the friendship…nothing in between."

Cuddy looked thoughtful

"James, he's protecting himself, your friendship has always been the most important thing in his life. He was devastated when you left after Amber."

Wilson was solemn

"I know...he said the other night that he didn't know if he could handle me leaving again."

Cuddy sighed and simply stated

"So your attracted to him and he to you, so what's the problem?"

"I don't think I'm really gay. I'm the panty pealing oncologist of PPTH remember? What will people think if I'm in a relationship with a man…with _House_?"

Cuddy was actually a bit annoyed at this

"I can see why he stopped you the other night."

Defensively, Wilson asked

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're not worried about whether you gay or not, you're worried about what other people will think of you being gay."

"I love women, for _God's sake_, I've been married three times…that should prove the point right there!"

Cuddy took a more compassionate tone

"Or, it proves that you've been looking for what you need in all the wrong places…" she paused… "or with the wrong gender."

Wilson sat there stunned by her observation of him. He was absolutely speechless. She softened her voice even more and went over to stand in front of him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he made eye contact with her.

"I'm not saying you are gay but obviously there's something going on between the two of you that transcends sexuality. Honestly, I think it's always been there..." she hesitated for a moment… "do you love him?"

"Of course I do, he's been my best friend for almost twenty years."

"No James…Do. You. _Love_. Him?"

Wilson was silent for a long moment trying to make sense of his swirling emotions. He answered just barely above a whisper

"I…think I…do."

Cuddy just smiled at him

"Then tell him, let him know what you want and the rest will fall into place."

"And what if it doesn't?"

"Anything that matters in life is never easy….tell him your concerns about coming out but let him know you're not just there for sex. If he cares for you like he says; he'll make concessions."

"You do remember who were talking about here, right?"

Cuddy just laughed

"Yes, I know he's an ass but anyone can see he cares about you and can't live without you. I don't know what I was thinking when I entertained the thought of a relationship with him…It's always been you James, even if neither of you had known it until now."

Wilson suddenly remembered the previous night

"I don't know if he'll listen to me now."

"Why not?"

Wilson didn't want to reveal what he had walked into the previous night so he kept it vague

"We got into a fight, and I said…some things that I had no right to say."

"Wilson…just talk to him."

Wilson looked up at her and saw nothing but compassion in her eyes. He was afraid that she would be jealous or offended by the conversation since not long before, she was the perceived object of House's affection. Instead of anger, she showed him true non judgmental friendship.

"Thank you Lisa…for everything."

Cuddy gave his shoulder a quick squeeze

"You're welcome…now go get your man!"

Wilson couldn't help but to smile at the absurdity of that statement. He left her office with a new mission.

TBC

_a/n: Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Next chapter… Wilson tries to forget about his persona in order to get what he truly wants. I would love to hear what you think, thanks again for reading!_


	11. Chapter 11

_a/n:_ _Please let me start by apologizing for the delay in this update (again). I wanted to do better between updates but I got sick and my youngest did as well. I know it's not an excuse but just wanted to apologize. 2__nd__-I wanted to say_ _a special thank you to the anon poster Sibster for the wonderful comment; I could not send you back a reply because the system wouldn't let me. Also thanks to everyone else that read and commented on my story and added it to their alerts. This chapter contains a bit of smut and it's the first time I've ever attempted to write it so I hope it turned out ok-let me know what you think (please be kind though)._

_Warnings: __**RATINGS CHANGE FOR THIS CHAPTER**__-Rated R for sexual situations, pre slash/slash, possible spoilers for season 5_

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 11

After leaving Cuddy's office, Wilson felt a weight being lifted from his shoulders. He knew what he wanted; knew what would make him happy, now all he had to do was figure out how to get it. As he continued through his day, he did his best to not run into House so he could keep a clear mind on his task at hand without being interrupted by seeing the older man.

The afternoon was waning into evening and Wilson found himself sitting alone in his office still consumed by his plan of action that he'd yet to come up with. He knew he wanted to be with House but he still wasn't sure if he could be in a open homosexual relationship with him; not to mention, what about Crandall. Obviously House had feelings for him, was he willing to give that up for Wilson? All the younger man knew for sure was that he did love House and after much deliberation and his chat with Cuddy, he knew he couldn't live without him.

Wilson felt the best course of action at this point was to just go to House's apartment and tell him all his feelings and fears and hope that the older man would be understanding; not to mention alone.

*****

House and his team had found the diagnosis for their latest patient and the team was off administering the called upon treatment while House sat in his office bouncing his trusty ball against the wall. The unfortunate thing about curing the patient, was that his only distraction from Wilson was gone.

As House was contemplating whether to go home or not; his cell phone interrupted his thoughts. Without looking at the caller id, he simply answered….

"House."

"Hey Greg, It's Crandall…you up for some dinner and drinks?"

House couldn't help but to feel let down at the sound of the voice on the other end of the line.

"No, I think I'm just gonna hang in tonight..you know, tired and all."

Crandall tried to hide his disappointment.

"Okay then. Well I'm heading out tomorrow, you wanna catch some lunch before I go?"

"Yeah, give me a call in the morning; we'll work it out then."

After hanging up with Crandall, House felt relieved that he was able to brush the other man off. It's not that he disliked the man; sure he was good company on a cold and lonely night, but after what happened with Wilson the night before he just had no desire to be with anyone else.

House realized that it was idiotic to think that way because after the way Wilson left his apartment in a fit of anger, the likely hood that the younger man would be filling _that _void anytime in the near future was slim to none. House resigned himself to a lonely bed for a good long while. With a sigh and a longing need for something he couldn't have, he packed his things and headed home.

*****

Wilson decided that a peace offering was in order so on his way to House's apartment he stopped to pick up Chinese food and a six pack of beer. House probably already had beer in his refrigerator but it never hurt to come bearing gifts.

As he approached 221B, he felt his nerves creeping up on him like that of a seventeen year old boy going to meet the father of his prom date. Wilson couldn't help but to chuckle at that; what would House say if he knew what Wilson just compared him to.

The younger man swallowed the rising lump in his throat and knocked on the door. After a few moments that felt like eternity, he heard the familiar thump of House's cane as he made his way to the door.

Upon seeing House's face as the older man opened the door, Wilson simply held up his self proclaimed peace offerings without saying a word. House eyed him skeptically for a moment before opening up enough to allow Wilson to pass.

Wilson entered and set said offerings on the coffee table and turned to look at House who had not moved from his spot other than to close the door. Both men could feel the tension around them while the silence seemed to stretch into an agonizing length of time.

Finally, Wilson broke the silence. "Are you alone tonight?" That came out sounding way more accusatory then Wilson intended.

House grimaced at the tone of voice. "Yeah…but why do you care? You made your intentions pretty clear last night when you threw a hissy fit before leaving."

Wilson held up his hands in a halting gesture as if to ward off any attempt at allowing the conversation to turn sour before it even began.

"Look House, I'm…sorry about last night. It really is none of my business who you sleep with, you don't owe me anything and I know I over reacted."

House scoffed at that apology and then allowed his face to soften to show the other man that he was in fact listening.

"I'll understand if Crandall is who you want to be with…I know he showed back up in your life unexpectedly, and I'm sure you wouldn't have said the things you said to me if you knew he was coming back."

House just shook his head in disbelief and Wilson was sure he had missed something.

"What?"

"You're an idiot; Crandall is a friend. Sure we've slept together on occasion but I don't want a relationship with him…never did. I'm pretty sure he feels the same way. I meant what I said to you; what happened with Crandall last night doesn't change that."

"Then why did you sleep with him…? You know what..never mind, it's none of my business."

"Wilson, you led me to believe that you didn't want to change anything between us and I respected that decision. It doesn't mean I don't have needs….it had been a long time…I was lonely, Crandall was available."

Even though Wilson couldn't figure out why, he was angry at House's answer.

"I would have given that to you the other night, but you didn't want it from me!"

"Of course I wanted it from you, you moron; but this…" House pointed between the two of them, "means too much to me to give up for one fuck!"

Wilson's demeanor softened and he was now actually getting nervous for what he came there to do. He automatically began to rub the back of his neck as if to soothe away the building tension. Wilson found his voice to be small and weak when he spoke again.

"House, I've been doing a lot of thinking and…_God_, I don't even know how to say this…."

"Say what?"

Wilson looked up at him with great trepidation, "I think I love…you."

House was actually speechless, of all the things he expected Wilson to say, this was not one of them. He wanted Wilson, he _really_ did. All thought of the conditions he placed on Wilson regarding entering a relationship were thrown out the window.

Wilson could see House internally letting his guard down. He realized there was still so much more to say to the older man; things House probably would not like, he couldn't help but take advantage though of the window of opportunity that just seemed to open up to him.

Without hesitation, Wilson closed the distance and began to kiss House fiercely on the lips. There was no tenderness to be found; just pure raw desire. Both men could feel the intensity building between them and nothing was going to stop it from happening this time. House took control and led Wilson to the bedroom while trying to suck and nip at any patch of skin he could latch onto while moving. It was a small miracle that they made it to the bedroom without falling to the floor on the way there.

As they stood next to the bed, House began sliding his hands down Wilson's arms while his tongue was prodding for entrance to the younger man's mouth. Wilson allowed it and they began a lazy rhythm with their tongues and lips; the only sound to be heard in the room was wetness of their lips separating and joining again between breaths as they continued to explore the depths of each other's mouth.

House ceased the assault and stared into the chocolate colored eyes before him. As he began to loosen Wilson's tie, he could see the passion building in his soon to be lover which made every movement seem so much more pressing. With one tug of the knot, it was undone and lifted over his head. House began to suckle at the younger man's neck while he worked Wilson's shirt open, the noises this elicited from his partner caused sparks to shoot straight to his groin; soon the shirt was falling to the floor. With shaky fingers, Wilson returned the favor and lifted House's t-shirt off of his body.

House paused the ministrations of his mouth for a moment so he could run his fingers over the smooth, silky skin of Wilson's bare chest; taking time to memorize every nook and cranny. The sensation was almost too much for the younger man and his breath hitched at the contact. House's hands ran slowly down Wilson's chest and came to rest on his belt buckle. House paused for a moment knowing that his next action would cause a huge shift in their relationship. After taking a moment to allow that to sink in, he began to unfasten the belt; as House was doing so, he could feel Wilson's breath speed up to an almost alarming rate. He paused to address this.

"Are you okay?"

Wilson took a moment to catch his breath and clear his head, breathlessly he responded, "Yeah, I…I'm actually nervous, how idiotic is that? It's not like I'm a blushing virgin."

House couldn't help but to smirk, "You _are_ blushing…_and_, I know this is new for you. Do you want to stop? Are you not ready for this?"

"_God_ no, I don't wanna stop…I will admit though; I'm not sure what to do and I really _am_ nervous as hell."

House sat on the bed and pulled on Wilson's wrist. In a low sultry voice that sent shivers down Wilson's spine he stated, "c'mere."

The younger man obeyed with eyes full of lust.

"I'm going to take the lead for right now, if you get uncomfortable at any point just tell me and we'll do something else…Okay?"

In a breathy voice, Wilson responded "okay."

House sat on the bed with Wilson standing between his legs. He pulled the younger man in toward himself and began mouthing the contours of Wilson's chest and stomach; paying close attention to his nipples. Each time House nipped at them, he could feel Wilson tremble with pleasure. While House had him sufficiently distracted with his mouth, he proceeded to finish shedding Wilson's pants from his body, leaving his boxers on for now as to not freak him out too much just yet.

House laid Wilson down on his back and before joining him on the bed, he also relieved himself of his jeans. As House promised, he took control of the situation; spreading himself along Wilson's body, he started his seduction dance by capturing the younger man's mouth in a slow deliberate kiss. He could feel Wilson begin to relax under his touch as his lover's hands ran up and down his flanks. House began to roll his hips; cotton against cotton, enjoying the sweet friction of their erections rubbing together through thin fabric, "Oh _God_ Wilson…you feel so _fucking_ good."

It didn't take long for Wilson to find his comfort zone as he began to grind up against House and match the thrusts of the man above him.

"_Ahhh…God_, don't stop…House, _please_."

House's tongue ran a wet line down Wilson's neck while nipping and sucking at every sensitive spot along the way. His hips stopped the motion with a frustrated grunt from Wilson.

"_Shhh_, I don't want you to come like this…not this time."

Wilson's eyes hooded as he tangled his hands in House's hair as the older man continued his trail down to Wilson's chest. House used his right hand to rub circles over his friend's hip while fingering the band of his boxers. House's other hand tweaked at Wilson's nipple causing his body to arch up unintentionally.

"_Hmm_, somebody's enjoying himself."

"_Fuck_ House, it feels so good."

House continued his path down Wilson's body, stopping his mouth at the top of the waist band; he could feel Wilson shiver at the close proximity to his erection. House looked up at the younger man to see him staring intently at what he was doing. House hesitated as if to give Wilson time to say no if he wanted to. After a moment, the older man removed Wilson's boxers and began mouthing around the base of the younger man's shaft.

"_AHHHH_…House, _my god_!"

House moved up and took the tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around and into the slit. Wilson couldn't help but to buck his hips up; House quickly took control of the situation and held his hips down with one arm thrown over them. After teasing Wilson and watching him writhe and come undone at his ministrations, he finally took him fully into his mouth setting up a fierce bobbing rhythm that sent the other man into a blissful fit. Wilson could no longer hold back, he felt his orgasm building in almost painful proportions and finally let go. He entwined his fingers in House's hair and froze as wave after wave of his release spilled down his best friend's throat.

"Fuck…_House_…fuck fuck…_ahhh God_…"

House let the other man slip from his lips and smiled.

"I take it by your colorful dialogue that you enjoyed that?"

Wilson laid his head back, sweat damp hair sticking to his forward, panting in the musk filled air.

"Are you _fucking_ kidding me? _That_…was the best blow job I ever had."

"I _am_ a man of many talents."

Wilson pulled on House's arm to join him by his side; the younger man kissed him slowly and thoroughly.

"I hope to find out what all of your special talents are…One by one."

Wilson continued kissing House while his hand pushed his new lover's boxers down then fisted House's erection. Wilson twisted his wrist on each down stroke making the man next to him thrust up into his hand. Before long, Wilson could feel House's breathing hitch and felt hot liquid pouring over his fingers as he continued to pump House at a furious rate, milking every last drop from the older man's body.

Both men laid side by side, staring at the ceiling, trying to catch their breath; waiting for the adrenaline rush to subside. Wilson was the first to break the silence.

"Well _that_ was incredible."

"Yuh huh."

"Thanks for…you know not…pushing for too much right away."

"Oh don't you worry Jimmy boy, your ass will be mine before you know it."

Wilson smiled, though in the darkness of the room House could not see it.

"That's what I'm afraid of," Wilson said mostly joking.

"Yeah, well don't worry, you'll get your chance too."

"I'm really glad this happened…It's all I've thought about since the day after you were released from Mayfield."

"You're not going to go getting all emotional and sentimental on me now are you, cause I'm beat and I'm not sure I can pretend to be as nice as you want me to be while my guard's down."

"House, you do realize you're not as much of a bastard as you pretend to be right?"

"Shhh, don't tell anyone, I have an image to keep up. Night Wilson." With that House placed a gentle chaste kiss on the lips of his best friend; now lover and rolled over settling his body down for sleep.

"Goodnight House."

Wilson was to wound up to sleep though he didn't dare bother House; he could hear his friend's breathing even out and knew he was sleeping. Wilson stared at the ceiling again, becoming very acquainted with that particular part of House's bedroom. His mind played through the events of the evening and couldn't help but smile as he relived in his mind the first sexual experience he just had with House…with a _man_. At that thought, his mind was back to reality; he never told House that he couldn't be open about their relationship. They both got so caught up in what was happening that it just didn't come up, then Wilson remembered what House said about remaining only friends if he couldn't be open.

Wilson started to slightly panic as his thoughts got carried away by the notion of House ending the new facet of their relationship; no way Wilson wanted that to happen. His thoughts turned to what Cuddy said…._'if he cares for you the way he says he does, he'll understand'_….Wilson resigned himself to the fact that he would need to talk to House about this as soon as his friend was awake. He couldn't take the chance that House would out them immediately upon arriving at the hospital just for the shock value alone.

Wilson took a deep breath and sighed knowing that tomorrow was going to be a very trying day, and all he could do was hope that Cuddy was right and that House would understand. For some reason, Wilson doubted that.

TBC

_a/n: Again, I am so sorry about the delay between chapters. I won't make promises but will try to do better. Thanks for sticking with me, I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter, will the shit hit the fan? Thanks so much for reading and I would love to know what you think!_


	12. Chapter 12

_a/n: Here is chapter 12, we see Wilson trying to convince House of his concerns. I truly hope you enjoy it and would love to know what you think. Thanks to all who commented and put my story on alert and in their favorites. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!_

_Warnings: rating T for language, spoilers for season 5, slash (male/male romance), pairing House/Wilson_

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 12

Morning dawned over a new day; a day, House thought that could be promising. House laid awake staring at the sleeping man beside him; for the first time since possibly Stacey he felt complete; alive, perhaps even just a little bit happy.

The sight of his bed mate was beautiful to him. Normally the well groomed pleasant oncologist; now laid next to him naked, with disheveled hair, and _hot as hell_. House enjoyed watching the younger man sleep but the urge to touch was much too strong.

Wilson felt an arm drape over his side which pulled him from his half asleep state that he'd been drifting in and out of; his mind not fully awake to register the gravity of the situation to come. Rough lips found the nape of his neck followed by the glorious feel of stubble raking down his skin.

"_Hmmm_…"

"Do you have _any_ idea how hot you look lying naked in my bed?"

"No..can't imagine I do."

"Take my word for it."

House's hand slid down Wilson's side causing the younger man to tremble beneath the light touch. Wilson turned his head enough for House to capture his lips; parting them, allowing the other man complete access. House took advantage; kissing him slow and thorough, making sure to catalogue every reaction and sound that escaped from his new lover.

Wilson placed his hand on the back of House's neck pulling him in; deepening the kiss, asserting his dominance. House smirked against his friend's lips.

"I was _hoping_ there would be some benefit to giving up half my bed last night…you know I generally don't like to share."

"Of course not, but I was thinking you could make an exception for me; I'll make it…worth your while."

"Hmmm…you _are_ a slut aren't you?"

"Yes, but now I'm _your_ slut."

House met Wilson's lips in a series of gentle lingering chaste kisses: Wilson couldn't help but to feel so wanted and alive in that very moment. House lifted his eyes to look at the younger man.

"That reminds me…" Wilson cut him off with another hungry kiss while he skimmed his fingers down House's spine as if he couldn't get enough of feeling the other man's warm body beneath his lips and hands.

"Hmmm?"

House looked at him with his patented mischievous grin that always spelled trouble.

"I get to have fun today telling everyone about my new toy." Wilson's eyes grew wide and his heart began to race. House looked at him confused…

"What?"

Wilson knew he could no longer put off the inevitable..

"House…um..we need to talk."

The older man could see the apprehension and fear in Wilson's eyes.

"About what? I thought we worked everything out last night."

Wilson leaned up onto his elbow to get a better look at House's face.

"How do you figure…we really didn't talk about much of anything."

House seemed a bit put off by that statement.

"_Well_ you told me you loved me and we screwed around. I made it clear to you that I didn't _want_ to screw around with you unless you were willing to go along with my conditions…_sooo_ what's the problem here?"

"House, I _do_ want to be with you and _only_ you. I'm willing to commit to that, but…"

"But what?"

Wilson did not miss the anger in House's voice but he wasn't ready for what House wanted and he had to find away to make him understand.

"I don't want anyone to know about us…at least not yet."

Wilson could feel the tension as it filled the room as if it was pumped in through large vents. House rose from the bed; stood on shaky legs as he turned back to look at Wilson but didn't say a word. If Wilson didn't know any better, he'd say House looked… hurt. As the older man limped from the bedroom, Wilson's voice rang out.

"House…."

House stopped with his back to Wilson, head hung down between his shoulders…

"_Save it_."

With that he exited the bedroom and Wilson heard the click of the bathroom door. The younger man plopped back onto the pillows and sought out his trusty new friend; House's ceiling and spoke to it as if it would give him answers… "Well this isn't going to be easy."

While House busied himself in the shower; Wilson managed to find his clothes amongst the discarded pile from the night before. A reminder of what had happened between them, how right it felt, and how he didn't want it to end over this one issue. He dressed quickly, not knowing if he would still be welcome once House returned; Wilson knew he could shower at home if need be.

Instead of running away with his tail between his legs like a coward, he decided to make his way to the kitchen and brew some coffee for the two of them in hopes of a peace offering (again) and perhaps a chat to try to make House understand his position. As he poured his coffee, he heard House make his way from the bathroom to the bedroom and decided to give the older man his space; he figured they could have their talk after House was dressed.

House entered the kitchen to find Wilson sipping the piping hot coffee that he prepared. The younger man looked up at House while he retrieved a mug for him. In silence, he made House's cup the way he knew the older man liked it and offered it to him. His friend looked at him skeptically and accepted said offering.

"Thanks."

Wilson set his cup down, rubbing the back of his neck with his other hand.

"House look, I'm…sorry. I didn't mean to…"

"To what? Go against my wishes..manipulate me into thinking this was about more than just sex? I get it Wilson…we'll just forget last night ever happened and you can go back to chasing after every pretty skirt in Princeton."

"House, No! I don't want anyone else, just _you_!"

"Why would you want someone you're ashamed of?"

"I'm not ashamed of you."

House rolled his eyes, "okay maybe not ashamed of _me_ per se, but ashamed of being with a man. Wilson, I refuse to be in a relationship where I have to hide. Being in Mayfield taught me that I need to try to make healthy choices; hiding who I am is not healthy, it didn't work so well for me before."

Wilson's eyes met the floor; barely above a whisper he stated, "I can't be open…please understand. I do...love you and want to be with you but no one can know; I…I'm not…ready."

"Then, I'm sorry Wilson, I told you…I want it all." House shrugged his shoulders and limped toward the door, "lock up before you go." With that, he was gone. Wilson felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Not only did he just lose the one person that he finally admitted to loving most of his adult life; but he may have just lost his best friend as well.

*****

Wilson actually managed to be only fifteen minutes late even though he ended up going home to shower and change. Upon entering the hospital, he spotted Cuddy out of the corner of his eye. He hoped that she wouldn't notice him; he was in no mood for a chat. Of course luck wasn't on his side lately and he let out a tired sigh as she approached.

"Hey Wilson, you just getting in?"

Wilson tried to keep his tone light, "yeah, rough morning…is there something I can do for you?"

Cuddy noticed the edge of irritation in his voice but decided to press her luck. "Did you talk to House last night?"

"Yes."

"How'd it go?"

Wilson resigned himself to the conversation; what did he have to lose? He already screwed everything up.

"It went great until this morning….when I actually told him my concern."

Cuddy could see that Wilson was deeply bothered. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know that I should, but…I think I…do."

"Come on."

They made their way to Cuddy's office. "Sit down and talk to me."

Wilson sat down but battled with himself over what he was about to do. He knew he shouldn't discuss House's private life but needed the advice of someone that could help guide him through this mess. Cuddy probably wouldn't have been his first choice for this but she already knew so much and he didn't want anyone else finding out; he figured she would have to do.

"I went to his apartment last night to tell him what you and I talked about. I told him I was sorry for the fight the other night and that I…loved him."

"That sounds… good, how did he respond to that?"

Wilson's face began to flush, he could only imagine the shade of red it took on.

"We…spent the night..together."

"What, watched TV, drank beer? That seems par for the course for the two of you."

"No…all night as in…in his bed."

Now it was Cuddy's turn to explore the different shades of red.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

She recovered from her momentary shock. "Well, it sounds like he accepted your concern; I don't see what the problem is."

"I…I didn't tell him before we…before, that I couldn't be open about it."

"_What_? Wilson, you told me that was a major condition of his before the two of you could be…" she waived her hand in the air as if to signify sex, "..together!"

Wilson felt the shame build in him. "I know! I guess he assumed that I was okay with it when I said I loved him; I never corrected his thoughts until this morning."

"Let me guess, knowing House he thinks you used him and just wants to forget last night even happened."

Wilson did a double take and blinked his eyes in disbelief at how well she actually knew House.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

Cuddy smirked, "twenty years of dealing with the man."

Wilson leaned forward and put his face into his hands, "_God_ Lisa, what am I gonna do? I realized last night while we were together how right it actually felt and that I really _do_ love him…I don't know, maybe I always have. I know I don't want anyone else..but now, he won't even talk about it."

"James, why are you so worried about people finding out about your feelings for House? You don't seem to have a problem with me knowing about it, so why everyone else?"

"I've worked hard to get where I am and my reputation means a great deal to me. I'm afraid people will see me differently because I'm not the person they all think me to be. Maybe they'll think I've lied about other aspects of my life as well."

"No one will look at you differently because of your sexuality, or think of you as any less of a doctor."

"How would you know! I showed interest in a guy once in college and I ended up in the hospital because of it!"

Cuddy was taken aback by the anger in Wilson's voice.

"So this isn't new for you then…the attraction that you have for the same sex?"

Wilson had not intended to share that piece of information with Cuddy but of course his anger got the better of him.

"No, it's not…but that incident was enough to prove that it's better for me to pretend to be heterosexual."

"Listen, just because you had one bad experience however many years ago doesn't mean you should give up on what makes you happy now. How many failed relationships are you going to have with women before you finally realize that?"

Wilson, at that point allowed his anger and frustration to take over; as he stood up he stated…

"I've worked too hard to get to where I am…If House wants to be with me than he's going to have to live with this. I… gotta go, patients to see."

"Wilson wait…."

"Goodbye Cuddy."

*****

House was in his office when Foreman came into brief him on their latest patient.

"He's had multiple seizures since being admitted, memory loss, nausea, and vomiting."

House didn't look up when he spoke. "Obvious head injury, no mystery there."

"No trauma, no accidents, hasn't been hit in the head."

House couldn't help but to let his frustration get the better of him. "Scan his head, call him a liar when you find the injury and then hand him off!"

Foreman stood with his arms crossed while he spoke. "House, if your mind isn't into this then maybe you weren't ready to come back to work."

House stood up and with a mirthless laugh. "You'd love for me to admit that wouldn't you? That I'm not ready…then you could back hand your way into my job."

Foreman dropped his arms to his side in defeat. "I'm just concerned, even though you're an ass, I don't want to see you end up back in Mayfield…just take it easy, okay?"

House studied him for any hint of deception. "Go scan his head."

Foreman turned to leave but didn't miss House's parting words for him. "And..thanks."

Just as Foreman left the office, House's cell phone rang.

"House."

"Hey G-man, what time you wanna do lunch?"

House had forgotten about their plans for lunch but figured he'd go, if for nothing else to get his mind off of Wilson.

"I have an appointment at one thirty so I'll need to be back by then…meet me in my office at noon."

"Sounds good, see ya then."

House hadn't remembered his appointment with Doctor Hudson until he spoke with Crandall. As much as he hated sharing his personal life and his emotions with anyone, he had to admit to feel grateful for his meeting today. He really needed someone to talk him down from the anxiety he was feeling regarding Wilson.

*****

Wilson spent the morning holed up in his office trying desperately to keep his mind off of House by drowning himself in paperwork. He had no idea where to go from here; maybe he was a bit deceptive, but House was a grown man with a mouth; he could have spoken up at anytime. Of course, that thought brought back memories as to how said mouth could make him feel. Wilson shook his head to rid himself of the memories and fantasies of House evoking sensations beyond description with just a single touch. God, he couldn't deny how good it felt to be with House and he was not looking forward to giving that up. What else could he do; he couldn't be open and House couldn't understand, does this mean it ends now?

Wilson wasn't ready to give up so easily, he gave himself willingly to House the night before and he was damned determined to do it again. After a great deal of contemplation; Wilson felt the need for some air. He made his way to his balcony to observe the comings and goings of the people below. While relaxing in the mid afternoon sun, he noticed House leaving the hospital which was unusual in itself for House to do before the work day was complete. The issue that upset Wilson, however was the fact that Crandall was walking with House as he made his way to the parking lot. Wilson observed that Crandall seemed much too close to House's shoulder to just be casual and of course that prompted the younger man's jealousy to rear its ugly head again.

"Here I was worried that _I_ hurt _him_, didn't take him long to forget about last night."

Wilson went back into his office, closing the door and blinds behind him. After turning the lights off, he sat with his head resting on his desk, feeling lost.

TBC

_a/n: I really hoped you enjoyed this chapter. My b-day is tomorrow so please comment as a present to me; try to be nice though because I bruise easily. Next chapter, House meets with his doctor; will he help him to understand Wilson a little better? Thanks so much for reading!_


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: I'm sorry about the time since the last update; my laptop was hijacked. Ok the browser was hijacked and I can't do anything on the web with it and my desktop is a piece of crap. I'm hoping this update will come through as it doesn't always work right. If I take awhile to get back to you on your comments it's because of my computer issues but know that I really appreciate all of them; they are what keeps me writing. Thanks so much to all who commented thus far on this story-you guys are great. This chapter has House getting a clue. I hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think._

_Rating: PG-13 for language_

_Warnings: Slash, M/M pairing, spoilers season 5_

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 13

Lunch with Crandall was uneventful. The two bid each other farewell until the next time Crandall blew into town. House had hoped that by then he would be in a relationship with Wilson and not need the benefits part of his friendship with Crandall again. Of course though the way things looked after the events of the morning; that would not be the case.

House returned around one fifteen and bypassed the fourth floor altogether on his way to the appointment that he had with Doctor Hudson. The older man didn't want any unnecessary encounters with his team or with Wilson. He had a great deal to figure out and didn't want the added burden of seeing his friend at the moment.

Doctor Hudson escorted his last patient into the outer office and spotted House waiting.

"You're a bit early but I can take you right away if you'd like."

House stood up onto unsteady legs, "Yeah…thanks."

Doctor Hudson noticed the troubled look on his patient's face and in his overall demeanor; he expressed as much when he closed the door behind them.

"Have a seat Greg."

House took his normal place by the window; it gave him an easier feeling during his sessions to be able to see the world marching forward just beyond the small office. He took a moment to glance at the activities taking place outside while he attempted to put in order his whirling thoughts. Doctor Hudson pulled House from his thoughts.

"Greg, you looked distressed; did something happen that you'd like to share with me?"

House rolled his eyes. "You _know_ I don't like to share anything."

"Well as long as you're here, you might as well take advantage of the time spent. You look like you need to sort some things out."

House remained silent so Doctor Hudson continued his attempts to prod him into opening up.

"How are things going with James?"

House slumped down into the chair and resigned himself to the fact that he needed to talk about this.

"Shitty…he lied and manipulated me; nothing new there but this time it was just to get off."

"That doesn't sound like the Doctor Wilson that I know."

House gave a rueful laugh. "Well I guess you don't know the _real_ James Wilson like I do; twenty years will give you that."

"What happened that brought you to this conclusion?"

"I listened to you and your partner in crime at Mayfield! I told him how I felt and my conditions that went along with us acting on those feelings."

"I take it he didn't respond well?"

"Not at first, but last night he responded perfectly. He told me he loved me and _then_ we got jiggy with it..if you know what I mean."

House waggled his eyebrows to the last part of that statement. Doctor Hudson tried to hide a smirk that crept across his face to House's choice of words.

"Well that sounds like it went exceptionally well, so why are you upset?"

"This morning the manipulative bastard told me he didn't want anyone to know about us. That he wanted a relationship but not an open one…he's ashamed. He doesn't want the hospital to know he's not Mister Panty Peeler anymore."

Doctor Hudson looked at him thoughtfully. "I can see by your reaction that you're not accepting of this choice of his?"

Frustrated, House stated,

"I told him before _anything_ happened that I wanted an open relationship and if he couldn't handle that then nothing could happen beyond friendship. I think he used me to satisfy his curiosity; he couldn't give two shits about our friendship and what last night did to it!"

"Greg, you have every right to put conditions and limitations on what you expect of other people…"

House interrupted him; "You're damn right I do!"

"But…try to look at this from James' point of view. You've been friends for a long time with as far as I can tell..no hint of anything more. Now all of sudden he finds out that you want a physical relationship with him as well as an emotional commitment the likes of which he's never experienced. He said he loves you; it sounds like he also tried to show you that by physically giving himself to you. That couldn't have been easy for him considering your history with one another."

"What are you trying to say? You _want_ me to just give him what he wants…give up our friendship in return for some physical fling where we end up hiding who we are in the confines of my apartment? How is _that_ healthy?"

"What I'm saying is, the friendship will always be there and now you have the opportunity to have more; to maybe find some happiness with another person. Maybe you need to compromise with him; give him some time to adjust to this new life that you're asking him to accept. Give him time without pushing him away."

"He used me!"

"Do you really believe that? Based on what you've told me, I think he wants to be with you as much as you with him. If you want him to change his life for you then you need to give him a chance to understand and accept those changes. Give him time to accept what you're asking of him."

House spoke barely above a whisper, unsure of himself; very uncharacteristic of such an outwardly sure man.

"What if he can't accept it, what if he can't change who he is just for me? I'll lose him; I don't know if I can go through that again."

"Sometimes taking a chance on someone has great rewards."

"And sometimes it fails miserably. I'd rather never have more that what we have now then to lose him altogether…I don't know if I can do this; to chance it."

"It's up to you Greg. You've been through a great deal of emotional turmoil over this past year; and I know Doctor Wilson played a hand in some of that."

"Don't blame him for my issues…I don't."

"I'm not blaming anyone, I'm just simply stating an observation. Even though you don't or won't admit it; he hurt you and you don't want to give him that type of power again. I believe you assume that if you compromise on this one condition then you're setting yourself up to be hurt by him again."

House was silent; absorbing every word that Doctor Hudson spoke.

"Do you feel that exploring this new relationship with James is worth taking a chance?"

"I know from past experience that I have a hard time living without him in my life. Well at least I had a very hard time dealing when he left after Amber died."

"I guess the question is then; can you go back to being just friends now that you've had a glimpse of something more?"

House looked down and stared at his hands; his voice cracked when he spoke.

"I…don't know. I don't think I can push aside what I felt last night when we were together and not want to feel it again."

"I know this is hard for you, you don't like when things are out of your control but you've made great strides with the medication and just by trying since your admittance to Mayfield."

House sneered at what was meant to be a compliment.

"I've turned into a girl; I'm uncertain about everything and am actually feeling emotions that I didn't think I ever wanted to feel again after Stacy left. I don't like being human."

Doctor Hudson laughed at that.

"Greg, it's okay to be human…even for a self proclaimed misanthrope like yourself."

House looked up and gave a bit of a smirk to show his appreciation of the attempt to lighten the mood.

"So what am I supposed to do about Wilson?"

"My feeling is, what do you have to lose? You admitted that you can't or don't want to be without his friendship but you also stated that you may not be able to go back to the way it was. It seems to me that your only logical choice is to move forward."

"I don't want to hide."

"Just give him time. You had two months while in Mayfield to do nothing but think about what it is that you want and to accept what that would mean to your life. Give him the same opportunity and you may be pleasantly surprised to see him come around."

House looked at everything except Doctor Hudson. The doctor could see him in deep thought; House broke the silence.

"Looks like our time's up. As always it's been…enlightening."

Doctor Hudson noted the hint of sarcasm in House's tone.

"Greg, whatever you decide to do, make sure it's what you want and need. Don't take the easy way out, it won't be what's best for you in the long run."

"Yeah."

"I'll see you in a couple of days. If you need to talk before then, you have my number."

House just gave a quick stern nod and left the office.

*****

The afternoon passed by slowly. The patient they had turned out to be just a head injury as House had expected so he spent the time answering emails and doing his clinic duty with little complaint as it occupied his mind from his rambling thoughts.

At five o'clock he made his way to Wilson's office after spending sometime in between patients in the clinic thinking about what Doctor Hudson had told him about taking chances. House was never one to put faith into anything but a sure thing when it came to his personal life but he couldn't just leave it the way it currently was between him and his friend.

House unceremoniously pushed his way into Wilson's office. If the younger man was startled by the noise that was produced by the action; he didn't show it. He simply looked up at the man intruding into his personal sanctuary. Wilson was still agitated by his conversation with Cuddy that morning and also from seeing House with Crandall. Because of this he showed no pleasant emotion toward House upon his entrance.

"What do you want House? I'm busy."

House leaned heavily on his cane and scanned the room; finally settling his sight on the man before him.

"Why don't you want people to know about us?"

Wilson sighed; dropping his pen. His head fell into his hands then scrubbed at his face.

"What difference does it make? You want people to know and I'm not ready, so I guess were done."

"You didn't answer my question. Why. Don't. You. Want. People to know?"

"I'm afraid people will treat us…_me_ differently. That no one will take me seriously anymore."

"Why would people not take you seriously? Do you think people will care that you like fucking a guy?"

Wilson was exasperated at that point.

"Yes! Of course I think they'll care. I've always presented myself in a much different light. People won't believe me anymore, patients won't understand!"

House rolled his eyes.

"You _really_ believe yourself to be 'Saint Jimmy' don't you? Yes, some people are assholes and will treat you differently because you're with another man. But most people, at least the people that matter will see you for the sickenly over caring, warm, and cuddly wonder boy that you are. You're a good doctor and a good person, the people that matter _will_ understand."

Wilson was taken aback by House's roundabout way of saying something nice about him but he wasn't deterred.

"I don't know that I can believe that right now. I've worked hard to present to the world this version of me and now you want me to admit to everyone that it was all just a lie."

House could see the genuine pain in his friend's eyes. He walked over to where Wilson sat and tenderly took hold of the younger man's wrist. He pulled gently to make it known for Wilson to rise from his chair. Wilson stood but was clearly confused by what was happening. "House..?" House didn't answer, instead he ran the backs of his knuckles over Wilson's cheek and leaned in to place a lingering chaste kiss to the younger man's lips. Wilson was surprised by the intimate moment but before he could react House was already pulling away making Wilson wonder if it really actually happened. Wilson looked at House stunned.

"Be at my place at nine o'clock. Eat before you get there…no food on the menu tonight." With that the older turned to leave.

"House…wait, what about your conditions?"

Without turning around, he stated. "Don't be late."

Wilson fell back into his chair confused as ever as he watched his friend exit, shutting the door quietly behind him.

TBC

_A/N: Thanks again for reading, I am working on another chapter for this and a sequel. It was an idea that came to me a couple of days ago and will take place about six months after this ends. Hopefully I can get a computer to co-operate with me. Please let me know what you thought of this chapter and next chapter you may get a little treat-hint hint!!_


	14. Chapter 14

_A/n: Okay everyone, this is the last chapter of this story but fear not I already have the sequel planned out which I'll give in more detail in my a/n at the end of this chapter. As I mentioned in the first chapter; this was my first attempt at writing anything at all and I can't believe the awesome reception I received from all of you. I know it's been a rough road from the first chapter to the last as far as grammar and content. Thanks so much for sticking with me through my learning and for all of the constructive criticism that helped me improve as the chapters went on. I feel my writing as improved from this experience and I hope you feel the same way. This chapter contains some man love and as you know I'm not experienced in writing smut so I hoped it turned out okay. Thanks to all of you, and on we go…._

_Warnings: **RATING CHANGE FOR THIS CHAPTER-THIS CHAPTER IS M FOR MAN LOVE**-don't like it please don't read. Slash, spoilers season 5_

_Disclaimer: David Shore owns them not me!_

CHAPTER 14

Wilson stood in the entryway of House's living room; as he stared at his best friend, he couldn't help but wonder what he was doing there. House had made it clear a number of times that he would not accept anything less than full compliance regarding the conditions he put upon them moving their relationship forward beyond friends. Why then, Wilson thought did House summon him here? What exactly where the older man's intentions? It didn't take him long after his arrival to find out what the answer would be to that question.

Before Wilson could mutter a word in protest, House had manhandled him against the door; covering Wilson's body with his own. The younger man felt warm hands roam up and down his flanks with quiet desperation while rough lips attacked his mouth and neck with the same urgency. Wilson was overwhelmed by the stimulation that was the product of the welcomed attack but he didn't want to make the same mistake he had made the night before. He knew he needed to say something to put an end to what was happening or it would escalate out of control in a matter of moments….or was that House's intentions? But why _now_?

"_Mmmm_…House…what are you doing?"

House didn't stop his exploration of the younger man's body as he spoke.

"I'm having my way with you…what does it look like?"

Just then House bit down on the tender spot behind the ear causing Wilson to arch is back away from the door in pleasure.

"_Ahhh_…_House_…w-what about your…c-conditions?"

House stopped his motions but still kept his full weight against Wilson as he spoke in a low, gravely voice. Wilson couldn't help his body from responding to that wonderful sound.

"I haven't forgotten about them and as much as I hate talking; we will discuss it again before the night is over." He finished his thought as he nipped and kissed his way from Wilson's ear down his neck causing the younger man to throw his head back and let out a soft moan of appreciation. "Right now… my intentions are to show you how good we can make… each other feel and help you to understand that what… we can have is not an evil thing to be hidden away from the world."

"House…you know..I can't do.. _ooom_….." House cut Wilson's words off by covering his lover's mouth with his own. He swept his tongue over the younger man's lips demanding entry; Wilson eagerly allowed him in. It was not a tender action, on the contrary; it was rough, passionate, and extremely hot. Tongues dueled for dominance while hips circled causing friction to clothed erections. House stopped all movement to speak one more time.

"We _will _discuss this, but _right now _you need to feel and experience."

Wilson looked into House's eyes, what he saw staring back at him were eyes, lust filled with mesmerizing blue pinpoint dots shining in the center. To say the least; he was in awe. The only word he could muster came out in a breathy tone.

"Okay."

House led the younger man to his bedroom without another word and Wilson was terrified at the implications of what was about to happen. Even though they were together the night before; it had been a miscommunication; at least that's what Wilson told himself. This time however, they both knew what the other man wanted and it frightened Wilson to move forward knowing they weren't on the same page. Wilson resigned himself to the knowledge that it was House's condition and if he's willing to do this knowing they didn't agree about their future then who was he to say no. Still, he couldn't shake the uneasy feeling.

House stopped their motion and left them standing facing one another next to the side of the bed. Contrary to the older man's desperate, needy actions in the other room; House looked tenderly to Wilson as he removed his friend's suit jacket while he gently kissed his lips. Wilson was taken aback by the tenderness that he felt. He would never have thought of House as an attentive lover; actually he thought House would be very demanding. Both had benefits, he thought.

House pulled back enough to look Wilson in the eye. "I want more tonight; I want you to know what it's like to truly be together…_I_ want to know what it's like for us to truly be together."

Wilson wasn't sure how to respond to that; he would be lying to say he wasn't the least bit apprehensive. He knew exactly what House was referring to when he said he wanted more and frankly that actually scared Wilson; it was the fear of the unknown. House could see the uncertainty in his friend's eyes without Wilson saying a word.

"_You_ can choose how we do this. I know all of this is new to you and the last thing I want is to scare you away with my _huge_ manhood."

Wilson couldn't help but to laugh at House's words; he was thankful for the break in the tension that had started to fill the air.

"I trust you and your huge manhood and the only way I will truly know if I'll enjoy this is to just try it."

House searched Wilson's face looking for any hint of…well anything.

"Are you saying you want _me_ to fuck _you_?"

Wilson smiled…"Aren't you just the romantic…yes…I really think that's what I'm saying."

"If you wanted romance you picked the wrong guy. We can do it the other way around the first time; you know to ease you in to the joys of man sex."

Wilson deadpanned. "Now, _that_ was romantic…no, this…is what I want...I'm sure."

Now it was House's turn to feel apprehensive. This was what he wanted, probably what he's always wanted…to have Wilson; to be with him and for Wilson to _want_ to be with him in return. He also knew this would change everything; one time can be written off as experimental. This however; what they were about to do, there would be no turning back. Could he continue, knowing that there was a chance Wilson may never be ready to be in a committed open relationship with him? What Doctor Hudson said kept playing through his mind '… _Maybe you need to compromise with him; give him some time to adjust to this new life that you're asking him to accept. Give him time without pushing him away…' Damn_ this new found need to listen to what other people thought; it was so much easier before his break down to just push people away and do what he needed to protect himself emotionally. But, he thought, all _that_ ever did was leave him alone. No…this time he would listen to someone else and take a chance for once in his lonely, miserable life. What did he have to lose after all…other than his best friend that is.

Wilson saw the hint of reservation in House's face and decided it was time for him to take a little initiative in this…whatever this was. Wilson placed his hands on House's waist and proceeded to move them slowly up the older man's flanks while taking his shirt with him, ending with the shirt being pulled over House's head. The younger man leaned in to capture House's lips in a needy raw kiss while he slid his hands down House's bare chest, catching a nipple on the way causing his friend's breath to hitch. House quickly gathered his senses from his earlier thoughts and spun Wilson around pushing him down on the bed while falling onto him without breaking the physical contact.

"_Hmmm_…God, House." House ripped Wilson's shirt open and removed it..having little patience for the buttons that were impeding his progress. He figured he could buy Wilson a new shirt if he was really that attached to it.

Wilson let out a short laugh. "You in a hurry?"

"I've waited long enough for this, the shirt was just in my way… take your pants off." With that, House stood up and removed his own pants and boxers while he watched with great anticipation as Wilson did the same.

House laid down next to Wilson after both men had shed all of their clothing. Rolling on his side so he could fully take in the sight of the man next to him; he reached for Wilson's face to cup his cheek and spoke in a soft, caring, and very uncharacteristic tone of voice.

"Are you sure you want this? There's no turning back after tonight, we do this and it can't be forgotten."

Wilson looked at House and was amazed by the softness he saw in the older man. Wilson never thought House capable of such concern and patience. Maybe some good came out of his break down after all. Seeing House like this softened Wilson's emotions as well.

"I don't want to forget, I told you I loved you and I meant it…I really want this..I really want to try and make this work."

That was all the reassurance House needed at the moment, he leaned forward to brush his lips against his best friend turned lover's and gave a series of gentle chaste kisses. House ran the fingers of one hand through Wilson's hair while the other slid down the younger mans chest methodically..seductively, paying attention to both nubs as his hand passed over. He made his way down below Wilson's waist line and took hold of the younger man's erection, stroking it almost painstakingly slow causing Wilson to whimper out of frustration for more contact.

"That's an interesting sound."

"Shut up House and do something with that."

"My my, a bit impatient aren't we?"

"Cock tease."

"Pet names for each other already, how sweet…I think I'll call you…."

Wilson couldn't take anymore of the slow, agonizing strokes or of House's talking.

"_House_…shut up and _DO_ something!"

House just smiled as he started a trail of nips and kisses from Wilson's neck to his shoulders. Before he went any lower, he reached for his needed accessories from the bedside drawer. Armed with what he was after, House proceeded to move lower while nipping at the sensitive flesh of Wilson's chest bringing sounds of excitement from his friend's lips. When he reached his desired destination, House licked the tip of Wilson's erection and pulled it into his mouth causing the younger man to buck up at the welcomed contact. House threw one arm over Wilson's hips to keep them down while he took him fully into his mouth.

Wilson's hand flew down to the top of House's head, "_Mmmm_…so good…God, more…_please_."

House set up a steady bobbing rhythm; working Wilson into a state of bliss while he lubed his fingers up to prepare his friend for what was to come. He moved his hand from the base of Wilson's erection down over his sac to rub along the younger man's opening. Wilson tensed at the unexpected feeling below.

"You need to relax. It won't work unless you do."

"I know, I..I just wasn't expecting it."

"Do you still want to do this…we can do something else until you're sure?"

Wilson looked down at House and shook his head. "No, I want to do it..just give me a minute."

House mouthed the tip of Wilson's cock and sucked lightly willing his friend to relax. He continued to rub his opening and finally was rewarded with Wilson relaxing enough to allow one finger to slide in. Wilson closed his eyes and took in the sensation. Of course it's not the first time he's felt this; after all he's had prostate exams before but never has he felt it in a sexual situation and for some reason that made it completely different. House gently brushed over his gland while he continued his ministrations with his mouth causing Wilson to moan in appreciation.

Feeling confident that Wilson was relaxed enough, House slipped in a second finger, scissoring them to try and stretch the younger man effectively while nudging his prostate every now and again to increase the pleasure. Wilson arched his back off the bed from the extraordinary sensations .

"_Ahhhh_ House…so good…" House slipped one more finger in and thrust all three in and out. He wanted to make sure Wilson was prepared properly as to cause him as little pain as possible during the act itself.

After a few more minutes working him with his mouth and fingers; House deemed Wilson ready to proceed. He moved to the head of the bed and kissed Wilson with more passion and vigor then he had up to that point.

"Are you ready?"

"_God_ yes."

"Tell me if it hurts too much and I'll stop."

Frustrated, Wilson stated. "I can handle this, just _do it_."

House rolled Wilson onto his side; he thought this would be the best position. It wouldn't put any pressure on his leg while he took time and care entering Wilson for the first time. After rolling on the condom and lubing himself, he spooned up behind Wilson and placed gentle kisses to the back of his neck and shoulders. While the younger man was sufficiently distracted by his ministrations, House positioned his tip to Wilson's entrance and gently pressed forward breaching the first ring of muscles.

Wilson hissed from the burning sensation that this caused and House could feel the tension spread across his lover's body.

"You okay?"

"Yeah.._ahhh_, just… burns a little."

"You sure?"

"_Yes_…just go slow, I'll be… fine."

House rubbed soothing circles along Wilson's chest in the hopes that it would relax the younger man. It seemed to have the desired effect and he gently pressed forward until he was fully sheathed inside Wilson's tight heat.

"_Oh God_ Jimmy, you feel so fucking good…so tight."

Wilson was amazed at the feeling of having another person inside of him. Though it was painful as he expected it would be the first time; he felt overwhelmed by the implications of the act itself. House started to circle his hips in a lazy rhythm; Wilson felt himself starting to relax and the pain was slowly turning into a pleasurable feeling. House changed his angle and thrust deeper striking Wilson's prostate.

"Yes…_there_…God right there…do it again.._more_."

"You like that? When I do this?" House penetrated deeper and struck his prostate with each thrust sending Wilson into heaven.

"_Mmmm_, yes!"

House's hips pistoned at a heady tempo, he was so close to tipping over the edge but he wanted Wilson to come first. He wanted to feel Wilson's muscles ripple around his cock while he finished. House grabbed Wilson's erection and started stroking him in time with his thrusts; that was all it took to push the other man over.

"_Ahhh_…_Ggreegg_!"

House was seconds behind him calling Wilson's name as he came harder than any orgasm he had experienced in recent memory. Both men laid there panting from exertion..a sheen layer of sweat covered their bodies. Wilson turned over to face House and placed a series of lazy kisses to his friend's inviting mouth. House finally caught his breath.

"Well, was it what you expected?"

Wilson flashed a shy smile, "better than."

"You were able to handle my over powering love muscle?"

"You think you're all that, don't you?"

"_Seriously_? You know I'm all that and more."

"Yes of course, I forgot..you _are_ a legend in your own mind."

"And don't you forget it!"

They both were silent after that for a short time while waiting to come down from their respective highs. House was the first to break the silence.

"You called me Greg…you never call me Greg."

"Huh…I guess I did. Well I suppose it makes sense."

"Why? Because we fucked?"

Wilson gave House a wry look at his choice of words and with just a bit of condescension he replied.

"Yes House, because we fucked."

"What? Do you want me to call it making love? Dude, we're dude's!"

Wilson didn't respond to that. "Does it bother you that I called you Greg? It seems a bit impersonal to be calling each other by our last names in bed."

"Fine, how about this...will call each other by Greg and Jimmy in bed but keep it the same as it's been other than that."

"That'll work for me."

"Good."

Wilson wasn't sure if he wanted to bring up the issues of the previous days but thought this was a good of time as any.

"Does this mean you accept what I said to you before…about not wanting people to know?"

House sighed heavily and rolled onto his back so he could stare at the ceiling with all the answers.

"I don't know what it means Jimmy..I really don't. I was set on not doing anything more with you and forgetting last night even happened in the hopes that we could still be friends."

Wilson looked at House thoughtfully, "so what changed?"

"I was an idiot and listened to my shrink. He told me to give you time to adjust, to not give up on you. I don't want to hide; I will give you time, but not forever. You will need to come to terms with this eventually or it won't work…_we_ won't work."

Now it was Wilson's turn to search for life's answers in the almighty ceiling. "I know, I just don't know how to do it. How to change who I am without losing what I've worked so hard for."

"First of all; you're not going to lose _anything_ and the second thing you need to understand is that I'm not asking you to change who you are. You're still James Wilson Boy Wonder oncologist who saves bald headed kiddies the world over. You're still the over caring, self righteous son of a bitch that I know and love. None of that is ever going to change regardless of who you're fucking."

Wilson looked over at House with a surprised look on his face. "Did you just tell me that you love me?"

"Oh brother, don't go getting all sappy on me…It's bad enough that you're going to be calling me Greg."

Wilson curled up to House's side and kissed his chest before laying his head down on top of it.

"_Oh God_, you're a cuddlier too? I need to rethink this relationship thingy with you."

"Shut up Greg."

House smiled to himself as he pulled Wilson closer . Yes, he could give his friend time. If he learned anything from his trip to Mayfield it was that the man laying next to him was the most important person in the world and at the end of the day, he'd do anything for him.

**END**

_A/n: Okay, regarding the sequel: I was thinking of just continuing under this story name but decided against it because it will take place about six months after this one ends. It will deal with House and Wilson coming out as a couple (along with the challenges that will create) and of the re-emergence of Lydia. My timeline will be a bit different from that of the show. In my story, Lydia was a major part of House's life for his first month at Mayfield before she abruptly left with her family which caused House to re-evaluate his feelings and start a new life with Wilson (which down deep is what he truly wanted anyway because Lydia was a Wilson proxy in my mind). The idea for this sequel came to me after the premier and I can't shake it. I hope you will follow it and I hope to be posting within a week of this update. I won't mark this one complete until I post the new story; I will post a note on here when the first chapter to the sequel is up so those who are following via alert will know that it's there and hopefully in turn will follow the new one. Anyway, thanks so much to all my readers again for making this such a wonderful experience and for prompting me to continue and I really hope you'll let me know what you thought of this chapter. Talk to you soon!!!_


	15. Author's note

_Hi Everyone, I promised I would post on here to let you know when I put up the first chapter to the sequel to "Tell Me You Will Understand". It's now up and it's called "Painful Adjustments". I hope all who followed this story will continue on to the sequel. I am excited about it and I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it. I put a little sample below to wet your whistles or you can just go right ahead over to the actual posting. Again the title to the sequel is "Painful Adjustments." Thanks again to everyone and I look forward to hearing what you think!_

**CHAPTER 1**

The morning sun filled the bedroom to announce the arrival of a new day. Wilson felt the welcomed sensation of stubble rake across the sensitive skin on the back of his neck followed immediately by small tender kisses.

"_Hmmm_…you're up early. Special occasion?" Wilson can never get enough of the physical attention that House showers him with on a regular basis. Of course he'll never admit to that. Then again, House would never admit to being so attentive either. Some things between them are better shown than said.

"I need to go to my apartment after work to pick up a few things. Do you want to drive yourself in or still ride with me?"

House skimmed his fingers over the bare skin of Wilson's chest, sending a shiver of pleasure down the younger man's spine.

"Why don't you just move in to my apartment? You're here almost every night anyway and you've already taken over half my closet for your stupid suits since we started this…thing. It's been almost four months, just do it already."..............CONTINUED AT NEW POSTING OF "PAINFUL ADJUSTMENTS"..................................................................


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